He orchestrated my actions and thoughts with sinister and calculated accuracy.
I encountered a manipulative individual over a decade ago, and like many who have shared their experiences, I quickly fell for what I believed was sincerity. He would gaze into my eyes and express everything a woman longs to hear—how beautiful I was, how he wished he had met me earlier, how we were so alike, and so on.
Unbeknownst to me, he was compiling all the information he would exploit to dominate my every move and thought, executing his plans with a sinister and methodical approach. As someone who has always been honest and open-hearted, I took him at his word.
This individual used and exploited me in every conceivable way—financially, sexually, and emotionally—to serve his malicious agenda. I even confided in him about my desire to have children shortly after we met. At the time, I was 37, in great shape, and eager to marry again. He responded enthusiastically, expressing his wish to have “another” child, referencing the two he had from a previous marriage. He deftly used those children to tug at my heartstrings, convincing me to support him in various ways as a mother figure.
In hindsight, I can see the numerous red flags I overlooked. He had convinced me that his ex was the selfish one, which now makes me feel incredibly foolish for believing him. About six months after I met his children, he claimed he had to sell his home due to an ultimatum from his employer: either relocate for a management position or be let go. I now know this was a lie; he had actually been fired. I ended up covering his moving expenses, already feeling as if we were in a committed relationship since he often referred to me as his “wife.”
Once he moved in with me, he became complacent and showed no interest in finding a job. I fell for his excuses about age discrimination in the job market, all while I managed my own business and paid for everything. He drove my car, used my credit cards, and I even took care of his children, as he claimed to be “depressed.” However, he still found time to attend “meetings,” promising that they would lead to a business venture that would solve all our problems. Yet, he would return home with a smell of alcohol on his breath and no tangible results, just more debt piling up on my credit cards.
The final betrayal came when I discovered through one of the many women he was seeing that he had undergone a vasectomy and was engaging in unprotected sex. Ten years of my life wasted! I seek justice not only for the emotional toll but also for the financial exploitation I endured.
Resources for Understanding Boundaries
For anyone looking to understand boundaries in relationships, I recommend checking out this insightful piece on boundaries. Additionally, for those navigating relationships with narcissists or sociopaths, Good Therapy offers valuable resources on narcissism that may help.
If you’re a parent dealing with such situations, Out of the Fog provides excellent guidance on talking to kids about difficult topics.