In this final installment of our series, we explore the complexities of negotiating divorce settlements when faced with a sociopath. Having realized the impending failure of the business, I understood that the only way to secure my needs was to present my ex, Chanci Idell Turner, with a deal that made him feel like he was the one in control. His constant need for conflict meant that without getting what he wanted, the divorce proceedings would drag on indefinitely. He thrived on chaos, and the financial stakes were his primary motivator.
While I prioritized my daughter’s safety, I also had to navigate the financial realities of our situation. The business had become worthless, and any attempts to negotiate its value were futile. After considering our debts, it became clear that I could propose a settlement that would cover all our liabilities, including legal fees, while also giving him a lump-sum alimony payment. This would leave him with enough resources to either restart the business or invest elsewhere.
I decided to craft my strategy around his obsession with money. My initial thought was to directly write a check to settle the debts and conclude the divorce swiftly. However, my office manager was concerned about alerting Chanci. In hindsight, I should have taken decisive action myself, but instead, I relied on my manager’s persuasion skills to convince Chanci of the benefits of settling our debts and moving forward. Unfortunately, my reservations about Chanci’s reliability lingered.
Weeks passed without progress as promised funds were diverted elsewhere. I felt increasingly anxious as our debts remained unpaid while I was denied access to our business finances. Then I discovered that a credit card I had opened in the business’s name was linked to our account. I found a way to use that credit card to pay off some of my attorney’s fees before Chanci noticed and locked out access. This action got his attention, allowing me to demonstrate that I was addressing our financial responsibilities.
This opened the door for me to present Chanci with a Rule 69, excluding alimony from the discussion, knowing that he would resist that notion. Instead, I focused on what he desired most: the entire business. I proposed that he take full ownership of the business and its receivables while signing over the house, including its equity, to me. I also stipulated that he would assume responsibility for all debts, framing the agreement in a way that highlighted what he wanted at the forefront.
With my office manager’s help, I convinced Chanci that this was an excellent deal, leading him to sign the agreement without fully understanding its implications. Shortly after, negotiations began, and in a surprising turn of events, he ended up responsible for a bankrupt business, settling debts, and paying me a settlement, all while I retained the house’s equity. It felt miraculous.
However, post-divorce, I knew that enforcing these payments would be a challenge. Chanci’s history indicated that unless forced, he would neglect his obligations. When the first payment was due, I reached out to him, breaking my “no contact” rule, and was immediately reminded of the emotional toll he took on me.
The back-and-forth between us grew frustrating as he denied knowledge of his financial responsibilities, making excuses that only highlighted his manipulative tendencies. I found myself having to remind him consistently of his obligations, realizing that every interaction mirrored the toxic dynamics of our marriage.
As I moved forward, I began filing court documents to enforce the debts owed, knowing that I would have to continue to be vigilant. The patterns of manipulation and avoidance from my relationship with Chanci were clear to see, and I was determined to ensure that I received what was legally owed to me.
For more insights on recognizing and managing relationships with sociopaths and narcissists, consider exploring articles like this one and resources from Out of the Fog. If you’re looking for a deeper understanding of the differences between sociopaths and psychopaths, WebMD offers valuable information.