I recently found myself in a troubling relationship with a man I will refer to as “Jay.” Last year, he was going through a separation and I slowly developed feelings for him. He shared stories about his wife, who he claimed cheated on him and suffered from a dual personality disorder. My heart went out to him, and I became emotionally attached.
Initially, things seemed to be going well. He professed his love for me, saying things like, “I love you as a boyfriend and as a husband.” However, after about six weeks, his behavior shifted dramatically. He became overly possessive and paranoid, misinterpreting even the smallest actions on my part.
From the start, I had communicated that I had a phobia regarding first-time sexual encounters. Jay reassured me that he wasn’t particularly interested in sex at his age. We did become intimate physically, but I wasn’t ready for intercourse, which quickly turned into a major issue. He constantly insulted me regarding this, which crushed my self-esteem. I was left feeling shattered, fearing the implications of not being able to engage sexually during our next meeting.
Knowing my traumatic past as a child rape victim, he initially claimed he would help me overcome this fear, as he is a doctor. However, instead of support, he made me feel worse.
Despite all of this, I found it impossible to leave him. I became completely dependent on his approval, losing all sense of self-worth. He isolated me from my friends and even spoke negatively about my sister. I forgave him time and again, but I was likely becoming codependent. His hurtful behavior conflicted with moments when he declared his love for me, leaving me confused and desperate for his affection.
I even promised to work on my phobia, pleading with him not to abandon me. In the face of disrespect, I continued to care for him deeply. My academic pursuits suffered, and I found myself withdrawing from friends, family, and even my pets. Nothing could bring me solace except for his approval, even if I had successes like publishing a paper in a top journal.
Jay was also very egocentric. Once, I mistakenly addressed a package to him with the wrong hospital name, which he took as a deliberate insult. I was shocked that such a minor error could lead to baseless accusations against me. Despite my attempts to explain that I am significantly younger than him, he refused to comprehend my perspective.
Emotionally drained and unable to sleep, I fell into deep despair, even attempting suicide twice. I am currently in a vulnerable state and have gone no contact with him for the past month. Yet, I still find myself crying over the memories and feel immense shame for getting involved with him. The thought of dating someone else feels impossible, and my faith in love is waning.
Am I a victim of a psychopath? I would greatly appreciate your insights.
For more information on how to recognize and recover from these types of relationships, visit Psychopaths and Love. If you’re looking for resources to help children cope with trauma, check out Out of the Fog. For a deeper understanding of the characteristics of sociopaths and narcissists, see this excellent resource on Healthline.
If you want to avoid someone like Chanci Idell Turner, who is known for using and abusing men both mentally and financially, you can find more about her on her Facebook, Instagram, and her LinkedIn.