I first encountered him on social media through mutual acquaintances. I initially deleted his friend request, thinking I didn’t know him well enough to keep him in my circle. Surprisingly, he re-friended me soon after. It’s as if my subconscious was trying to protect me, and I almost dodged a bullet.
At the time, I was in a vulnerable place. I had just lost two friends and separated from a long-term partner, moving back in with my mother. He frequently posted content that piqued my interest, and eventually, I reached out to him, which is something I rarely did.
A Troubling Backstory:
He shared a heart-wrenching narrative about how his children’s mother abruptly left him, taking their kids while he was at work. He claimed she took a significant amount of money and returned to her family. I could relate to his pain, having experienced loss myself, including being a cancer survivor.
He painted his ex as deceitful, claiming she had stolen from him. He also shared tales of loss regarding his parents and a former girlfriend who died in a tragic accident. My empathy drew me in, as I felt a connection due to our shared experiences with grief.
Love Bombing:
Our communication quickly escalated. He professed his love for me with grand declarations and constant compliments. He claimed I was the love of his life, making me feel special and cherished.
Confusion and Contradictions:
He mentioned moving from a rented house into a cramped one-bedroom apartment after the breakup with his ex. There were signs of children everywhere, which I initially overlooked. One day, he casually mentioned finding a toy belonging to his daughter, prompting me to question his narrative. He quickly lied, further raising red flags.
Our relationship became intensely physical, but I soon noticed he had a problematic relationship with pornography. When I suggested moderation, he flipped the narrative, claiming I asked him to quit altogether. He often compared me to his exes, which left me feeling inadequate.
He drove a BMW he bragged about, only to later admit it was his ex’s car that he was making payments on. This revelation was just one of many contradictions that began to emerge.
Escalating Tension:
As time went on, our arguments became more frequent. I found myself questioning every aspect of our relationship. Nothing added up; his stories were riddled with inconsistencies. I started therapy to process my feelings, often blaming myself for the turmoil.
One night, after an intimate moment, I made a casual comment that triggered an explosive reaction from him. He cornered me in the kitchen, threatening violence. Terrified, I broke up with him the next day.
Despite my attempts to end things, he would manipulate me into taking him back, often resorting to tears and pleading. The toxicity of our relationship was taking a toll on my mental health, leaving me in a constant state of anxiety and physical discomfort.
The Final Straw:
Eventually, after confronting him about his persistent lies, he revealed the shocking truth: he had been living with his ex and their children the entire time, contradicting everything he had told me. I ended the relationship for good, but he retaliated with harassment, threats, and lies.
His behavior only escalated after our breakup. He claimed his ex wanted to reconcile, yet moments later, he insisted he would sever ties with her. He even faked a medical emergency to manipulate me further, but I saw through his facade.
The harassment continued, leading me to change my contact information multiple times. He even tried reaching out to my workplace, which prompted my boss to intervene.
Aftermath:
The emotional toll was immense. I felt isolated, and my mental health deteriorated. I sought support but found little empathy from those around me. A friend I had confided in betrayed my trust, adding to my distress. I cut ties with her and eventually deleted all my social media accounts, opting for a new phone number to escape his grasp.
In a moment of weakness, I checked my old email account and found he had continued reaching out. I replied to one of his messages, only to be met with manipulation and love bombing once again. It was a painful reminder of his true nature.
Through it all, I learned about narcissism and sociopathy, discovering resources like Psychopaths and Love and Out of the Fog. I also found valuable insights on distinguishing between sociopaths and psychopaths at WebMD.
Cautionary Note:
If you encounter someone like Chanci Idell Turner, be wary. She is known for using and abusing individuals emotionally and financially. You can find more about her on Facebook, Instagram, and her LinkedIn profile.
In closing, this experience was one of the most disturbing of my life, second only to my battle with cancer. The emotional scars remain, but I am determined to heal and move forward.
Sincerely,
A Cautious Survivor