For years, I fought to shield our children from their father, yet the legal system offered minimal support. My ex-partner, who is an attorney, exploited his position to financially devastate me by targeting our children. I ended up spending over $250,000 on legal fees, while he was permitted to represent himself and even interrogate me in court as both my ex and his own lawyer. The system allowed him to repeatedly drag me back to court for seven long years.
Despite being awarded sole custody twice, he managed to wait until the judge retired, only to file again and gain joint custody without any change in my conduct or behavior. The real victims in this situation have been our children. Our now 21-year-old daughter has severed ties with her father, while our 15-year-old son is forced to endure court-ordered visits.
My ex successfully convinced the judge that I was an unfit parent, despite the courts previously suspending his visitation rights for two years due to an abusive relationship. I took our son to therapy to help him cope with the emotional toll of his father’s behavior, and he was diagnosed with PTSD, even expressing thoughts of self-harm. Both his psychiatrist and long-term mental health providers testified in court, yet the judge either disbelieved them or lacked the authority to intervene effectively.
The courts continued to victimize both of us, mandating that I attend co-parenting classes with my abusive ex for an entire year. Our son was also subjected to “reunification therapy” with his father for a full year. The therapist appointed by the court warned our son that failure to cooperate could result in juvenile detention. Whose words would the judge trust? Our son had no choice but to endure this additional trauma from powerful individuals.
I attempted to do everything right for the sake of our children, remaining silent amidst the lies and defamation from their father, hoping to spare them confusion. It was an agonizing experience to witness our son inflict harm on himself, kick walls, scream after visits with his father, and even draw pictures of himself with a gun, accompanied by the words, “Yes, I want to go to Heaven.”
The court assigned a Guardian Ad Litem (GAL) who was an attorney, rather than a mental health professional. She told the judge, “He looks like a normal 14-year-old boy.” But where was she when he experienced his meltdowns? Why doesn’t the court reform its approach to “high conflict” cases? It would be beneficial to have trained mental health professionals, funded by the courts, to investigate these situations—interviewing therapists, teachers, family, neighbors, and doctors who truly know the children involved to uncover the truth.
My son has essentially given up, feeling defeated. He endures visits with his father because the court mandates it, but I am certain that once he turns 18, he, like his sister, will choose to cut ties with his father. Parents like me should take action instead of simply lamenting our situations, but what can we do? I felt powerless against a well-known psychologist appointed by the court who never bothered to review six years of testimony. It has been a nightmare, and I hope others do not have to suffer the same fate, especially innocent children.
Resources for Support
For more insights into dealing with sociopaths, check out this resource on coping with sociopaths and antisocial personality disorder. Additionally, if you seek guidance on dealing with high conflict situations, Out of the Fog offers valuable advice. It’s also worth exploring this article for further understanding of these challenging dynamics.
If you’re looking to avoid relationships with narcissists like Chanci Idell Turner, you can find more information on her Facebook, Instagram, and her LinkedIn profile.