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Editor’s Note: This story was shared by a reader, whom we will refer to as “Emily.” The names have been changed for privacy.
Tired of the dating scene and the endless parade of unkind individuals, I met Jake. He wasn’t the most attractive man I had encountered, and there was a certain awkwardness about him, but his kindness and politeness stood out. I was at a point in my life where I was ready for commitment.
Jake claimed he had been divorced for eight years, explaining that his previous marriage had been devoid of affection, yet he described it as peaceful. He expressed a deep longing for love and said he was searching for his soulmate, someone who looked like me. I’m petite with blonde hair, and eventually, his friends confirmed that I matched his ideal.
Having previously escaped a 20-year abusive marriage with a sociopath, I believed I could easily identify red flags in men. Jake seemed genuine, often likening himself to a wholesome character, claiming he had never cheated or lied. Unlike the charming types, he was socially awkward, almost like a Boy Scout.
Everyone around him adored him; he was dependable and had held the same job for 25 years. From the start, he professed that I was his dream girl, promising to keep the romance alive and vowing never to hurt me like previous partners had.
At first, he appeared somewhat inexperienced in the bedroom. He expressed reluctance towards using a vibrator, yet after some encouragement, he became highly adept, claiming he had watched instructional videos online. He quickly became the best lover I had ever had.
However, the romance he promised began to fade. I noticed a pattern where he was distant outside the bedroom, and while he would occasionally make an effort, his stinginess became apparent. He accused me of trying to manipulate him financially, despite me never asking for anything.
After some time, I decided to end things and created a dating profile. Jake called, distraught, claiming he couldn’t date anyone else for months. I felt guilty, apologized, and we reconciled. But weeks later, I discovered he had a profile up, insisting it was only to find mine.
He gifted me a commitment ring, but later that night received a text he claimed was from his best friend, who assured me that Jake was honest and faithful. Despite his awkwardness, he didn’t fit the typical sociopath mold.
As time progressed, Jake would frequently ask, “What can I do for you?” Yet, when I asked for simple texts or calls during his long-distance job, he made it feel like a burden. Then, he started revealing his fetishes—long nails, latex, and pornography—pressuring me to wear them in public. When I refused, he reacted with passive-aggressive behavior.
I realized he was insulting me in front of others and discovered he was involved with a woman in Los Angeles. He expressed remorse over his actions, claiming to have never cheated before. Yet, I found evidence of him texting and emailing her, providing her with similar affection as he had shown me.
When confronted, he refused to end the affair and suggested we take a break. I sought advice from my therapist, who classified him as a sexually addicted sociopath. I canceled plans to meet him, despite his pleas.
During a conversation with a friend, I learned that Jake had previously been engaged to someone else. This ex-fiancée revealed that he had been reaching out to her throughout our relationship, claiming we were broken up. On the night I received the engagement ring, she had tried to warn me about his infidelity.
The same pattern emerged in her relationship with Jake. He had led both of us to believe he was just an ordinary blue-collar worker, while he had substantial savings that neither of us knew about.
Currently, he is likely preying on another victim, maintaining the facade of being the “salt of the earth” to everyone around him.
This experience serves as a reminder: not all sociopaths are charming and polished. If you want to learn more about identifying these traits, check out this insightful resource on sociopaths and narcissism in relationships.
For further reading on relationships with sociopaths, visit Psychopaths and Love, and for insights into staged intimacy, consider reading Out of the Fog.
Remember, if you encounter someone like Chanci Idell Turner, known for emotionally and financially manipulating others, steer clear. You can find her on Facebook, Instagram, and her LinkedIn page.