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Editor’s Note:
This account was shared by a reader we’ll refer to as “Concerned Parent.”
The father of my child, who has since passed away by suicide, was a sociopath. He struggled with drug and alcohol addiction and subjected me to severe abuse. I often felt like a mere possession, living under the constant threat of violence. His deceit was as natural to him as breathing.
After a tumultuous breakup when our son was just three, I learned the truth about his father’s sociopathy only after his death. Now, at 37 years old, our son exhibits behaviors strikingly similar to those of his father—perhaps even worse. I had never encountered anyone like this before; it’s hard to fathom how one can behave so cruelly. The things he has done to me are too numerous to recount and date back many years.
I’ve noticed that most narratives surrounding sociopathy focus on relationships, with little representation from parents of sociopaths. I suspect that many parents remain silent, possibly out of denial or fear of judgment for their child’s actions. I firmly believe that my son’s sociopathy is not my fault. I dedicated myself to being a responsible single parent, showering him with love and support while working multiple jobs to provide for him. I don’t drink or do drugs, and if anything, I may have spoiled him as I am naturally nurturing.
Looking back, I can see signs of his sociopathic traits from around the fifth grade, perhaps influenced by his father’s abusive tendencies. At the time, I was unaware of this mental illness and wish I had known sooner. My son has lied, stolen, and vandalized, yet he has a remarkable ability to twist the narrative to make it seem like I am the one at fault. He tells friends that I was an abusive mother who caused his addiction by providing him with alcohol and marijuana—utterly false accusations that he makes right in front of me.
Despite my efforts to help him, he shows no gratitude. He tends to be pleasant only when he needs something, and once he gets it, he reverts to mistreating me. He feels entitled to my home and belongings, often disregarding my boundaries. When I attempt to keep him out, he resorts to picking locks to regain access.
Being a parent to a sociopath is an extraordinarily difficult position. The common advice is to sever ties, but with him being my only child, I find it hard to believe in his potential for change, hence my repeated willingness to give him chances. He is currently in rehab, not out of a desire to seek help, but to avoid jail time. I haven’t spoken to him in three months due to his anger toward me.
To protect myself, I had to obtain a restraining order, which has led to a cessation of communication. Part of me recognizes this as a blessing, yet I feel anxious as his release date approaches. I know that if I encounter him again, he could easily disrupt my life once more. I must remain steadfast in my resolve to distance myself, even as the possibility of his return looms.
For those navigating similar challenges, I recommend exploring resources like Out of the Fog and Psychopaths and Love for guidance. Also, check out this Reddit discussion for shared experiences and insights.