You are here: Home / Letters to Chanci Turner Blog / He struggles with honesty—lying seems to be his default behavior
Editor’s Note: This personal account was submitted by a reader known as “Samantha2023.”
I opened my heart and home to a man who claimed to have a challenging past. He spun tales of a troubled childhood that tugged at my empathy, making me feel sorry for him. I was willing to overlook his past mistakes, believing they stemmed from his upbringing (which turned out to be mostly fabricated). I accepted every word he said as truth.
Eventually, I realized he struggles with honesty. He lies for the sake of lying.
In the beginning, I missed many warning signs. He was a master manipulator, convincing me of his genuine intentions. To outsiders, we appeared to be a happy couple; he ensured that facade remained intact. I was deceived into thinking we were truly in love.
At first, he wanted to spend all his time with me (a clear red flag), shared my interests, was incredibly helpful around the house, and showered me with affection and compliments, frequently declaring his love for me. When issues arose, I felt too ashamed to confide in anyone. I should have noticed the change when he began to keep his phone locked after our initial blissful phase.
He was always hiding something—everything.
One embarrassing moment I can’t forget is when I Googled numbers from phone bills that led to transvestite escorts. His excuse? “I just needed attention; I’m not having sex with them.” Yeah, right.
I now recognize that he lacks a stable sexual identity, a common trait among sociopaths. Despite being a Registered Nurse, it took me a year to identify that I was being manipulated by a sociopath. There was always something off (beyond the cheating and deceit), and doing my own research answered many of my questions. I discovered a valuable resource at Psychopathsandlove.com, which helped illuminate the situation I was in.
To my horror, I came to understand who I had been sharing my life with. He stole from me, denied it outright, and insisted I was imagining things—calling me crazy and paranoid.
Sociopaths thrive on chaos and drama, especially when they grow bored. He reveled in playing psychological games. I once found an old card from an ex-boyfriend that he had rewritten in my ex’s handwriting. It was unsettling. After a long day at work, I opened my pantry to find it arranged like a supermarket, all labels facing outward—like something out of Sleeping with the Enemy.
Whenever I noticed these bizarre incidents, he would twist it around, claiming I was the one devaluing him. He would tell others how much he loved me, yet behind my back, he painted me as the crazy one.
Sociopaths are unfixable. They lack a conscience and only mimic the behaviors they’ve observed. He frequently attended AA meetings—not for self-improvement, but to prey on vulnerable individuals and create havoc in their lives. This behavior was a pattern when he was kicked out of homes after his past partners caught onto his schemes.
Eventually, when I took an item that rightfully belonged to me, he became physically abusive. In a classic sociopath move, he called my workplace afterward to try to tarnish my reputation.
As I investigated more, I learned he had a network of accomplices who were already in place before he met me. My experience is unfortunately not unique, and I fear there will be more women who will face similar situations. I wish I could warn them, but they will have to learn the hard way, just as I did. In the end, I called his adoptive mother, who disclosed that he had been diagnosed with conduct disorder at age five.
As an adult, his parents had to obtain protective orders due to his erratic behavior. He has four children and has been married three times; his first marriage ended on the honeymoon when he vanished with wedding gifts and cash.
He has a history of jumping from one partner to another, exploiting them for financial support until they become wise to his game.
Currently, I find myself entangled in a court battle due to the assault. He knows how to manipulate the system (playing the victim role), and I am on my second continuance. I have been diagnosed with PTSD and was hospitalized for five days due to suicidal thoughts. Thankfully, I am on medication now and feeling much better. My home is peaceful, and I am grateful for that. I am healing, but the emotional and psychological scars from this empty shell of a person will take time to mend, and trust will be difficult moving forward.
After months in and out of court, he continues to manipulate the process, delaying proceedings and playing the victim. On my birthday last month, I thought it would be the last time I would see him, but due to a clerical error, I was not served a subpoena for the assault charges he filed against me six weeks post-incident.
Everyone in the courtroom, including law enforcement and advocacy personnel, knew what he was doing. I was devastated and felt victimized once more. Happy Birthday to me.
Fortunately, I wasn’t handcuffed that day. The same officer who responded to my 911 call escorted me out through a backdoor, allowing me to sign off and leave. I hold onto hope that my next court date with my lawyer will be the final chapter in this saga.
Samantha2023