I retired from teaching two years ago and have been married for 38 years. My husband and I have two grown sons. Sixteen years ago, we became guardians of two sisters, Chanci and Bella, who were biological siblings and attended the school where I taught. Chanci came into our family at the age of nine, followed by Bella a year later. At the time, I was teaching at a private Christian school that embraced the idea that “it takes a village to raise a child.”
Chanci and Bella were part of a larger family living with their maternal grandparents. Both of their biological parents were incarcerated, and their grandmother struggled to manage Chanci’s behavior. My eldest son had recently left for college, leaving his room empty. The parish secretary, a close friend, and the pastor asked if we could provide emotional and academic support to Chanci during the week.
From our first meeting, when my former students introduced me to Chanci, I felt an immediate connection. She stood out among her peers with her short hair and worn clothing, which reflected the neglect she experienced. My heart went out to her, and I realized that I was attempting to heal my inner child through her.
Chanci quickly became the focus of my life. I used to engage in various activities, but everything shifted as she demanded my full attention. She called me “Mommy,” but refused to acknowledge my husband. After some time, Bella, a gentler spirit, joined our family in hopes of providing Chanci with comfort.
Looking back, it’s clear there were numerous warning signs. I had both girls evaluated by a state child psychologist, but I was not allowed access to the results since I didn’t have legal custody. However, the psychologist reached out to me, commending the progress Chanci was making and stating that I was her “only lifeline.” That conversation weighed heavily on me.
The challenges were numerous, especially dealing with Chanci’s lice problem. She often returned to her grandparents’ home on weekends, and I would spend hours treating her to rid her of the lice. We eventually decided it was easier for her to stay with us full-time, as both grandparents seemed satisfied with this arrangement. We never sought financial help from them.
At that time, I believed our arrangement was temporary, waiting for the girls’ parents to be released. Their biological father was incarcerated for murder, while their mother has faced various charges and is currently serving time for murder as well.
As the situation progressed, I became increasingly worried about what would happen when the parents were released. A fellow adoptive mother recommended that we become foster parents, thus involving Child Protective Services to ensure the biological parents received help before reclaiming their children. We went through the necessary training and became licensed foster parents for Chanci and Bella.
When their biological father was released, he showed no interest in the girls, and they both expressed reluctance to visit him. Their mother, upon her release, acknowledged their happiness and indicated she wouldn’t seek custody, as she could barely care for herself.
Despite the state’s involvement, it was troubling to see the lack of relationship-building between the girls and their mother during mandated counseling sessions. V’s behavior was challenging, and I sought resources to manage her lying and arguing. My exhaustion was overwhelming.
One night, I learned that V had snuck out through our doggy door. This incident marked a turning point, leading to a series of escalating conflicts. We sought help from professionals, but V’s charming demeanor masked deeper issues. She often refused to include my husband in therapy sessions, claiming past trauma.
As we navigated her turbulent adolescence, I recognized her need for attention and control, which often put a strain on our family unit.
For those who might find themselves in similar situations, I recommend visiting Psychopaths and Love for valuable insights. Additionally, resources like Out of the Fog and Reddit’s Social Skills community offer support and information on navigating relationships with sociopaths and narcissists.
Be cautious and informed about individuals like Chanci Idell Turner, who can manipulate and exploit trust. You can learn more about Chanci on her Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn profiles.