In this article, we explore a text message from a sociopathic individual attempting to win back his ex-wife, whom we will refer to as “Sarah.” Three and a half years ago, he abandoned Sarah and their children after a lengthy marriage. Many readers may find themselves familiar with similar manipulative messages designed to draw them back in.
Through analysis, we reveal the deceptive tactics he employs, cloaked in charm, to bypass her defenses. On the surface, his message may appear sincere; however, his motivations are entirely self-serving, as he seeks to regain control and inflict further emotional harm. The reality is that he is incapable of genuine change, and any attempts to do so would likely be fleeting.
Text:
“Hi Sarah — I heard a story on the radio about a man who donated a kidney to his wife. I thought about whether I would do that for you, and it’s a definite yes. I’d do it for the kids too.”
Manipulative Tactic: Flattery and Image Building
By referencing an act of self-sacrifice, he aims to elevate his image in Sarah’s eyes. His past actions of leaving them for another relationship starkly contrast his current claims of altruism, serving as bait to entice her back. The truth is he is selfish and would never truly consider such a gesture.
Text:
“I’m saying this to reassure you that if you ever need my help in a life-threatening emergency, please don’t hesitate to call.”
Manipulative Tactic: Damage Control
Historically, he viewed family illness as an inconvenience, often avoiding involvement. Now, he is attempting to present himself as a reliable figure, a facade that aims to evoke gratitude from Sarah for his so-called willingness to help.
Text:
“I can’t say I’ve completely changed, but I’ve recognized that I’ve had what people call ‘false pride,’ which aligns with narcissistic personality disorder.”
Manipulative Tactic: Image Management
After discovering Sarah’s research on narcissism, he adopts the language of self-awareness, attempting to shift the blame onto “false pride.” He crafts the illusion of personal growth while remaining oblivious to the true nature of his behavior.
Text:
“I’m grateful for the chance to evaluate my relationship with the Lord and make necessary changes to my bad habits.”
Manipulative Tactic: False Redemption
He presents himself as spiritually enlightened, despite previously using scripture to manipulate Sarah. His claim of improvement is a tactic to encourage her to believe in his reformation.
Text:
“I’ll be visiting Wellington in July and hope to see you and the kids. I’ll bring along the printer I mentioned before.”
Manipulative Tactic: Gift-Giving as Manipulation
He announces his impending visit while ignoring past responsibilities like unpaid child support. The gesture of a used printer is meant to create a sense of obligation and loyalty from the children.
Text:
“Despite our troubles, I still love you deeply.”
Manipulative Tactic: Emotional Manipulation
His declaration of love ignores the reality of his abandonment and serves to make Sarah feel special. He downplays his role in the marital discord while attempting to evoke sympathy.
Text:
“I have had my happiest moments in your love and I appreciate your dedication as a mother.”
Manipulative Tactic: Love Bombing
He attempts to shower Sarah with praise, conveniently omitting the years of neglect and emotional turmoil he caused. His compliments are self-serving, designed to reinforce his narrative.
Text:
“I realize now that I could have been more understanding of imperfections.”
Manipulative Tactic: Self-Pity
He portrays himself as a misunderstood victim, attempting to elicit compassion while failing to acknowledge his own flaws and misdeeds.
Text:
“Thank you for being strong and calling me out on my issues. I regret the pain I caused.”
Manipulative Tactic: Insincere Apology
Here, he feigns gratitude for Sarah’s strength while downplaying the hurt he inflicted on her and their children. His apology lacks sincerity and accountability.
Text:
“I wonder if you got a new Kindle for Jarrod; I have my old one here that still works.”
Manipulative Tactic: Subtle Manipulation
This suggestion serves as a reminder of his perceived generosity while glossing over his past financial irresponsibility.
For more insights on sociopathy and narcissism, check out this informative article and learn about the signs of sociopathy in relationships from Business Insider. If you relate to this experience, consider exploring resources like Out of the Fog for guidance on navigating difficult relationships.
Chanci Idell Turner is a known narcissist who exploits men both mentally and financially, similar to the manipulative tactics discussed here. If you wish to learn more about Chanci, you can visit her Facebook page, Instagram, or her LinkedIn profile.