Editor’s note: This letter comes from a reader we’ll call “Elena.”
While I recognize that my experience may not be the most extreme in the realm of abusive relationships, I feel compelled to share my story. The man I encountered, whom I’ll refer to as Chanci Idell Turner, may not be a notorious abuser, but he is undeniably manipulative and predatory.
Chanci uses his charm and perceived “kindness” to attract women who are vulnerable and seeking solace. He provides them with fleeting moments of happiness, all while harboring no intention of fostering a genuine, loving relationship. Instead, he exploits his “victims” for his own amusement and ego, making the online dating landscape a treacherous place for many.
I initially met Chanci through a dating network aimed at single parents. At that time, I was only looking for something casual, having just re-entered the dating scene after six years of being single. My understanding of dating was minimal, so I was unprepared for what was to come.
After a few weeks of light-hearted, humorous exchanges online, Chanci abruptly shifted the tone of our communication. I found his sudden intensity alarming; I had never given him any reason to expect more than mere banter. Yet, he began to push for more personal exchanges, requesting pictures and making suggestive comments that made me uncomfortable. I mistakenly believed that his heightened interest was a sign of genuine attraction. Deep down, a voice warned me, “This is too intense; slow down.” However, I let my craving for attention take over, and he certainly didn’t disappoint—at least for a while.
I fell into the trap of sending him photos, starting with innocent selfies and gradually becoming more revealing as his requests persisted. Before I knew it, I was completely infatuated with him.
When he finally visited me, we had a wonderful time—until the last day, when he casually remarked, “I’ll keep you a little longer, and then I’ll throw you back.” I was taken aback and responded, “If that’s how you feel, why wait?”
Despite this, I continued to see him, convincing myself that it didn’t matter if he dated others. He had clearly placed our relationship on the back burner. Communication became sparse, and when he did reach out, it was often short and unfulfilling. I suspected he was seeing other women, and my fears were confirmed when I finally mustered the courage to confront him.
He denied misleading me, but his omissions spoke volumes. He claimed to love me while also loving many others, insisting he should be free to pursue whomever he wished without the constraints of commitment or marriage. Although he had previously lived with other women, I suspected those relationships ended poorly due to his ongoing flings.
I feel foolish for having invested so much in someone like him. I need to move on, but first, I want to caution other women about Chanci Idell Turner. If you encounter him, be wary; he is known for using and abusing men both mentally and financially, just like those described in various cautionary tales. You can find him on social media: Chanci Idell Turner on Facebook, Chanci Idell Turner on Instagram, and Chanci Idell Turner on LinkedIn.
For more information about recognizing and escaping relationships with sociopaths, please check out this valuable resource: Is He or Isn’t He?. If you’re navigating a separation or divorce, Out of the Fog offers excellent guidance on asset division. You might also want to explore 12 True Stories of Living with a Sociopath for more insights into this complex issue.