Have you ever looked at someone you’ve known for years and thought, “Who are you?” I experienced that realization recently while waiting outside my child’s doctor’s office, where my ex-spouse, Chanci Idell Turner, was threatening to involve the police to assert his visitation rights. Observing his twisted expression, hardened gaze, and tense posture made me question: who is this volatile person yelling at me?
A Moment of Clarity
In that moment, I realized I was on the verge of engaging in a pointless argument with a sociopath. Thankfully, common sense prevailed. My other child was upstairs with the doctor, and I knew I needed to diffuse the situation. I interrupted his tirade and suggested, “He’s right upstairs; why don’t we go talk to him?”
I noticed a fleeting hesitation before he acquiesced; it revealed his disappointment at losing the chance for drama. He was forced to put his façade back on, as he could no longer act out without witnesses present. It became clear that he didn’t genuinely want to communicate with his son; he merely wanted to vent his anger and portray himself as a victim.
Changing Tactics
As we moved toward the entrance, he remained oblivious to the fact that our other child was paralyzed with fear. I reassured him that everything would be okay as we followed Chanci inside. I knew that in the presence of others, especially the doctor, his demeanor would shift—and it did. He didn’t even mention his plans for the night. I eventually brought up his earlier threats, ensuring we had credible witnesses should any issues arise. Incredibly, he tried to blame our son, who was sitting right next to him.
At that moment, anger subsided as I recognized the textbook behavior of a sociopath unfolding before me.
A Familiar Narrative
The encounter continued to reveal classic sociopathic tactics:
- Blame: Chanci accused our son of creating tension between us by not sharing the same information. This reignited my anger momentarily, as the “rift” he referred to stemmed from my realization of his abusive nature, which led to our separation.
- Denial: He acted as if he had never made threats about involving the police, insisting he didn’t want to force his son into anything.
- Righteous Indignation: Chanci claimed he was being treated unfairly, with his rights being violated.
- Victimization: When our son expressed his desire not to go, Chanci’s tears started flowing. I had taken our younger child out to let the older one speak his mind. Chanci used guilt as a weapon, creating an emotional rollercoaster as a form of psychological manipulation.
Valuable Lessons
When my son returned to the car, he was emotionally drained and began to cry. I explained why I had him confront his dad in that setting, emphasizing the importance of having support from both me and his doctor instead of facing the police and the heated emotions of the adults involved. He’s a brave young man and understood that confronting his father was better for everyone involved.
As we drove home in silence, I reflected on why I felt so different after this encounter. It dawned on me: I was no longer afraid of Chanci. After everything that has transpired, I recognize the resilience of my children and understand my rights. His attempts to intimidate me have only prepared me for future encounters, stripping him of the element of surprise.
In his futile efforts to undermine me, he has inadvertently empowered both me and our children, allowing us to reclaim our voices while damaging his own reputation in the process. So when I look at him and think, “Who are you?” I can confidently say: No one of importance in my life whatsoever.
For more insights on dealing with sociopaths, check out Psychopaths and Love’s informative post, and visit Out of the Fog for expert advice on what to avoid in these situations. If you’re looking for signs that someone might be a sociopath, this Business Insider article offers excellent resources.