I’m a 20-year-old woman who recently went through a traumatic experience that has left me questioning my ability to love again. I believe the person I encountered was a sociopath, and this ordeal has left me with post-traumatic stress disorder.
My Experience with Alex
During my senior year of high school, I met a boy named Alex, who was the most popular guy in school. He was charming, funny, and had a way of making everyone feel special. However, I noticed red flags early on. One day, out of nowhere, Alex cut a piece of my hair and laughed when I cried, showing no empathy.
Initially, I thought he was just being foolish. I continued to talk to him and eventually confessed my feelings. He invited me to his house, where he admitted he liked me but didn’t want to date. He spun a sad tale about his ex, claiming he’d been hurt before. When I pressed him to consider a relationship, his demeanor shifted, and he coldly refused, leaving me in tears on the side of the road.
Surprisingly, he called me later and reversed his decision, asking me to meet him in a parking lot where he asked me out. I was overjoyed. However, Alex insisted that I read the Bible and pray with him before we could date, which I did because I liked him.
Alarming Behavior
As time went on, I noticed more alarming behavior. Alex would often take me hiking under the guise of reading the Bible, but he would sexually abuse me in those secluded areas. Afterward, he would accuse me of being a sinner, making me feel guilty for his actions. He lied to his friends about our relationship, claiming he didn’t want them to judge us. I went along with it, still infatuated.
One night, he shocked me by saying we could no longer be intimate due to a past trauma. I respected his wishes, but the next day, he pressured me again. When I refused, he forced himself on me and then dumped me, saying he never cared about me and that I reminded him of his trauma.
After a lengthy emotional breakdown, he approached me with a “contract” outlining absurd conditions for our relationship, which I stupidly signed. Soon after, in front of his friends, he humiliated me by breaking up again, claiming I was lying about the contract.
The Cycle of Abuse
Weeks later, Alex contacted me, wanting to be friends. I foolishly agreed, but he manipulated me again, taking me to a secluded spot where he assaulted me once more. This cycle of emotional and sexual abuse continued for months, leading to my current struggle with PTSD.
Finding a New Relationship
Now I’ve found a new boyfriend named Jordan at college. He’s caring, funny, and respectful, a stark contrast to my previous experience. He has never pressured me into anything physical and has been incredibly patient. However, I can’t shake the fear that he might turn out to be another sociopath, despite all evidence suggesting he is sincere.
I started binge drinking after my experience with Alex, which has caused me to act out in ways that hurt Jordan, even if unintentionally. I often worry that my past trauma is clouding my judgment and pushing me to see danger where there is none.
Concerns About My Mental State
I’m concerned about my mental state and whether my instincts are reliable. Is Jordan really genuine, or am I just projecting my fears onto him? Sometimes, I feel like I’m still trapped in a cycle of abuse, even in a healthy relationship. If you’re struggling with similar issues, I recommend checking out resources like Healthline or Out of the Fog for guidance.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I hope that sharing my story can help others recognize the signs of manipulation and abuse. For those looking for additional insights on overcoming such experiences, you can read more about reclaiming your power at Psychopaths and Love.