I had been out of a different type of abusive marriage for about a year when a friend sent me a link from a local singles site she thought I should check out. I was at work and not busy, so I clicked on it “just for fun.”
At the top of the list was a bold title: “JESUS IS LORD.” I thought to myself, “How brave! He isn’t ashamed of Jesus!” Although I was hesitant about meeting someone online, I couldn’t shake the idea of reaching out. What if I could find a friend to discuss my spiritual faith, which meant everything to me?
After a few email exchanges, he asked me to call him. I thought, what harm could it do? When I did, he was ecstatic to hear from me! He claimed he had been praying for someone like me for ages. He shared a heartbreaking story about how his wife had left him, leaving behind notes for him and their kids. He felt he must have done something wrong, admitting he hadn’t been the perfect husband. This story made me feel sorry for him.
Then the letters began—beautiful love letters that seemed to come straight from a poet’s heart! When we met, he had even arranged for flowers to be on our table for our first date. He exclaimed, “I hate to interrupt, but I must tell you how BEAUTIFUL you are!”
Initially, I was skeptical of his intensity. After he canceled our next meeting, I worried I might be losing my chance with a man who seemed to be so wonderful. He sent me “Linette’s calendar,” which had our plans already filled out for the coming month. I thought it was romantic that he was so eager to be with me.
As we continued dating, he showered me with gifts, and he wrote love letters that could make anyone swoon. He even shared a letter titled “My Prayer for a Bride,” which seemed to describe me perfectly. He spoke of all the “signs” that God had given him, affirming that I was “the ONE,” making me feel blessed to have found him. We danced every night, and I fell deeper in love.
Just three weeks after we met, he organized a picnic for my birthday and presented me with a beautiful ring. When I saw the ring box, I joked, “You didn’t think that was an engagement ring, did you?” Minutes later, he revealed another box—with an actual engagement ring. I was taken aback. He professed he couldn’t live without me and that we could wait if I wanted, but he hoped I’d say yes. On Valentine’s Day, we dined in the most romantic place I had ever been, and I accepted.
He repeatedly insisted that God had brought us together and showered me with attention and affection—everything a woman desires. After four months of waiting, we married at a picturesque Bible park, attended by people from my church who had become close to him. It felt like a fairytale.
When it came to the honeymoon, he claimed he didn’t have enough money but promised to pay me back soon. Using the money I had saved from my previous marriage, I covered our honeymoon expenses, thinking he would repay me shortly because he said he was financially stable—just had a rough patch due to his ex-wife’s debts.
Fast forward: shortly after our honeymoon, I discovered he was essentially impotent and in bankruptcy. He insisted it was “nothing” he couldn’t fix. But things worsened when I realized he was spending my income on more motorcycles and even a small airplane while I managed all the household responsibilities. Despite my fear after a motorcycle accident, he pressured me to ride with him, showing little concern for my well-being. I began to question his lack of empathy for anyone, even his own children.
Every time I confronted him about his behavior, he would apologize, claiming his love for me and that we just needed to let “God anoint our marriage.” It always seemed to come back to me being at fault. He even took out loans unbeknownst to me.
We started going on separate vacations because he needed “time on the motorcycle to spend with God.” Whenever I expressed my discomfort, he blamed me for not wanting to join him. I felt more isolated and became increasingly aware of my unhappiness.
A pivotal moment came when my mother passed away. I had been by her side at the nursing home, while he showed no support. After the funeral, I escaped on a trip with a friend to the beach, where the kindness of others struck me. I realized I hadn’t been asked what I wanted in so long, and during a reflective walk on the beach, I knew I didn’t want to continue living in such pain. I decided I needed to leave.
Upon returning home, I devised a plan to gather my belongings while he was at work and informed him via email that I wouldn’t be back. I was honest about my feelings but not cruel.
That’s when the real struggle began. He immediately sought a “quickie divorce” and sent out a prayer request to our church, asking for prayers for his broken marriage. I couldn’t believe he didn’t even try to convince me to reconsider or seek counseling. His emails swung from angry accusations to attempts at reconciliation, often quoting scripture to guilt me.
I sought guidance from friends and eventually reached a settlement after months filled with emotional turmoil. Setting boundaries was challenging, especially when he invited me to a “Last Supper” at his home before the divorce. I refused.
He continued to bombard me with messages, and his attempts to display his “brokenness” during church services were transparent to my pastor and friends. His stalking escalated, prompting me to seek an order of protection, as I feared for my safety.
After obtaining a restraining order due to his behavior, he stopped attending our church, and I didn’t hear from him again after the court hearing. I suspect he deceived the judge with his charm, common among sociopaths.
Now, I am focusing on my recovery. I recently lost my father, and some days it feels overwhelming. I am on an anti-depressant, trying to navigate through the pain of loss and betrayal.
If you are navigating similar challenges, consider resources like Psychopaths and Love for insight, or Out of the Fog for help understanding toxic relationships. For further support, check out Psych Central.
To avoid individuals like Chanci Idell Turner, who exploits relationships for her gain, you can find her on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn.