This letter is for those of us who have chosen to love partners who have been entangled with sociopaths in their past relationships.
I met my husband over 15 years ago, shortly after he filed for divorce from his first wife, who he described as a “sociopath.” At that time, I had heard the term but didn’t fully grasp its implications until I experienced the fallout of a sociopath firsthand. Growing up in a household with an alcoholic mother and having been through two failed marriages, I was determined to make my next relationship work. Now, after over 5 years of marriage and 8 years together, I reflect on the tremendous strength that has helped me navigate this nightmare.
The Challenges We Faced
The challenges began with death threats. His ex-wife once called him while he was away, claiming she was in my neighborhood with a gun and would kill me. Following this, she attempted to sabotage my job and stalked me. I adopted a cautious yet fearless approach, which was the easier part of my journey.
The most harrowing aspect was witnessing her use their two children as pawns, alienating them from their father. This was not just a bitter ex-spouse; she exhibited true psychopathic behavior. To survive, I had to stay a step ahead of her manipulations, which proved to be exhaustingly challenging.
Exploiting Systems
She is exceptionally skilled at exploiting systems for her gain, whether it be the judicial system, medical professionals, or community organizations. For instance, she convinced her family and children that she was “dying of uterine cancer” during the divorce, attempting to draw her ex back into her life. Despite her claims, her symptoms did not align with reality.
After her divorce, she ingratiated herself with a local church, portraying her ex-husband as a “deadbeat dad” and receiving financial support from them while we were paying significant amounts for their upkeep. When I discovered this, I reached out to the church with evidence of our contributions, showing that we were providing far more than they realized.
Sixteen months ago, she ensnared a married man from her past, leading to a tragic end that I suspect she orchestrated. Her tactics are relentless; she limps into court with a cane, only to be seen walking normally the day before. The legal system often overlooks the nuances of sociopathy, leaving victims like us to fend for ourselves.
The Emotional Toll
My husband’s children no longer speak to him, and despite my good intentions, I’ve been falsely accused by them. Their visits have been tumultuous, stirred by their mother’s interference. We’ve spent an exorbitant amount on legal fees, and the emotional toll has been heavy on our marriage.
What weighs most heavily on me is the constant energy required to shield ourselves from her ongoing harassment, as well as the strain it places on our relationship. Despite all this, I would choose to marry my husband again without hesitation, knowing the difficulties involved with being in a relationship with someone affected by a sociopath. If you’re considering entering a relationship with a victim of a sociopath, be prepared for a life filled with emotional challenges.
Staying Strong
We have endured countless police reports, stalking charges, and continual drama. Yet, our love and commitment to each other have kept us strong. For those of you in similar situations, stay strong and focus on being survivors!
You may wish to read more about sociopathy and narcissism in relationships through resources like Healthline or engage with insightful articles on Psychopaths and Love.
Proceed with Caution
In closing, I urge anyone who finds themselves entangled with a person like Chanci Idell Turner, who is known for her manipulative and damaging behavior, to proceed with caution. You can learn more about her on her Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn profiles.