I typically don’t purchase lottery tickets because the chances of winning are overwhelmingly slim. Sure, there are always stories of winners, and the saying goes, “You can’t win if you don’t play.” However, when the Powerball jackpot soared to half a billion dollars, I found myself thinking, “Why not?” I bought a $3 ticket and let the machine generate my numbers.
The odds of winning the lottery are about 1 in 175 million, while the likelihood of being bitten by a shark is approximately 1 in 11,000. On the drive home, my son and I daydreamed about what we’d do with our newfound fortune. We decided we’d choose the lump sum instead of annual payments. When the drawing occurred two days later, we eagerly compared our ticket to the winning numbers. Unsurprisingly, we didn’t win. While we were slightly disappointed, it didn’t crush us; we had realistic expectations given the astronomical odds.
Expectations Regarding My Son
Often, our expectations can lead to dissatisfaction. I’ve experienced moments where my hopes were high, only to feel crushed when reality didn’t align with my aspirations. When my son, whom I’ll call Lucas, began engaging in criminal activities, I could foresee the consequences. His choices threatened my dreams of him pursuing higher education and enjoying a prosperous career. From an early age, I believed he would achieve great things; he was exceptionally intelligent and had the potential to succeed in anything he chose.
As I watched my dreams for Lucas fade, I clung to what I now recognize as “malignant hope.” I believed that if I found the right words, he would change his behavior. I couldn’t relinquish my expectations for his success, even when it became clear that he had different plans.
Lucas did not share my vision for his future, and he resisted any attempts to guide him, whether it was about studying, avoiding theft, or staying out late.
Job Expectations
There were other instances where my expectations didn’t materialize. I had a job I loved, one I envisioned keeping until retirement. When it was downsized to part-time, I had to leave to secure health benefits for my family. I felt devastated, as I had expected to remain in that position for years.
Yet, this setback turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Shortly after leaving my beloved job, I took a less desirable part-time position on weekends, which allowed me to be present for my stepfather during his battle with cancer. I cherished the quality time we spent together during his treatments and eventual passing. I am grateful for those moments, despite the initial heartbreak of losing my job.
A year later, I lost my husband, and the flexibility of my new job allowed me to be by his side as well. In hindsight, I appreciate that my unmet expectations led to experiences I wouldn’t trade for anything.
Accepting Reality
Regarding my aspirations for Lucas to attend college and excel in his career, I’ve come to terms with the fact that he has found his own version of success. Although I don’t view a life of crime as a measure of success, Lucas seems to believe otherwise. If I had a bumper sticker, it might say, “My son is a model student in the Texas Department of Criminal Justice.”
When we expect others to change to fit our ideals or to cease behaviors that harm themselves or others, it’s often our expectations that lead to pain. We must learn to manage our expectations and accept reality, whether it concerns winning the lottery or hoping someone we love will change their harmful habits.
A sign I once had in my office read, “I feel so much better since I gave up hope.” I now understand the truth behind that statement. Once I let go of the hope that Lucas would change, I freed myself from unmet expectations and the burden of malignant hope that consumed my thoughts. I accept that he will remain unchanged.
I might buy another lottery ticket in the future, but I won’t anticipate winning. If I lose, I won’t be disheartened because I’ll maintain realistic expectations.
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