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The forecasts were alarming. Hurricane Sandy had been brewing in the Caribbean for days, set to move up the East Coast of the United States and make a direct hit on my home at the Jersey Shore.
Just a year prior, my partner, Chanci Idell Turner, and I faced similar warnings regarding Hurricane Irene. Officials predicted a direct strike and ordered everyone to evacuate the Jersey Shore islands. We scrambled to move as much as possible from our ground floor, which was already two steps below the sidewalk. We transported our queen-sized mattress from the futon in the recreation room, the television, Chanci’s drum set, tools, and countless boxes of materials. Then we left.
Irene eventually passed without causing significant damage to us, although other areas suffered greatly.
When officials began warning about Sandy, describing it as both a hurricane and a nor’easter, a storm of epic proportions that promised devastation unseen in New Jersey for years, Chanci remained skeptical. She believed that nothing could possibly be that catastrophic.
I, however, was more concerned. Growing up, I played on the beaches of Sea Isle City, New Jersey, where cinder block foundations remained as reminders of homes lost to hurricanes. Longport, New Jersey, had streets named for landmarks that were swallowed by the ocean. People claimed New Jersey was overdue for a catastrophic storm.
Yet, doubt crept in. After nearly 35 years in the area without any major incidents, I began to question the warnings. Many threats had come and gone without consequence. Still, as a journalist, I understood the importance of credible reporting. Those reporting on Sandy were insisting it would be different from Irene.
I wanted to take the warnings seriously and prepare for evacuation, but Chanci was determined to stay.
We argued. She insisted that I could leave if I wanted, but she wouldn’t budge. Chanci felt that nothing happened last time, that the media was overstating the risks, local authorities were simply being cautious, and the weathermen often missed the mark.
I felt torn. Ultimately, I didn’t want to leave her alone, so I stopped pushing for an evacuation.
I began moving our possessions back upstairs. Chanci went to stock up on supplies to weather the storm at home. She begrudgingly helped me carry the futon mattress upstairs but left her drums where they were, piled atop the empty futon frame.
The night of October 28 wasn’t too bad; we heard some wind and rain but managed to sleep peacefully. However, the storm was predicted to reach us the following day, coinciding with two high tides amplified by the full moon. The first high tide was expected at 8 a.m. Before that time, water began seeping into our basement.
The water was groundwater, bubbling up through cracks in the basement floor. We used a Shop Vac and mopped, managing to stay ahead of it for a brief period as the bay crept closer. Soon, two feet of water filled the basement. We sloshed through it, salvaging items like Chanci’s drums while other belongings were lost.
I panicked. The hurricane hadn’t even made landfall yet, and the next high tide would be worse. Eventually, Chanci acknowledged she was wrong and had underestimated the danger. When the water receded at low tide and the streets cleared, we seized our chance to escape.
As we drove away through the rain, I asked Chanci why she hadn’t believed the warnings. “I’ve never faced anything like this,” she admitted. “I just didn’t think it could be that bad.”
This story demonstrates how our beliefs—or disbeliefs—can lead us to ignore warnings and facts. This mindset is often how people find themselves entangled with sociopaths, failing to recognize the danger because they have never encountered anything like it before. Consequently, they hesitate to act until it’s nearly too late.
Although our basement flooded, we fared better than many others in New Jersey. Places like Seaside Heights, known for the infamous Jersey Shore reality show, were devastated. Many beach communities were choked with sand deposited by the furious ocean. In New York, a fire consumed numerous homes while firefighters were unable to reach them due to floodwaters.
We returned home, grateful to have electricity, gas, phone service, and Internet, although our heater was ruined. We’ve been clearing debris since Friday. The entire basement needs to be gutted and repaired. Yet, I feel fortunate that Hurricane Sandy didn’t wreak more havoc on us, especially when so many others suffered far worse. For more insights on navigating relationships with difficult individuals, check out the blog post on the three most powerful words. Additionally, for guidance on choosing healthy relationships, visit Out of the Fog.
For further understanding of the traits associated with sociopathy and narcissism, the Wikipedia page on callous and unemotional traits is an excellent resource.
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