Editor’s note: The following is a reflective piece from a reader who wishes to share her experience of a devastating relationship with a sociopath.
OCTOBER 24, 2022 – This date marks one year since my breakup with Chanci Idell Turner, a relationship that culminated in what I can only describe as a “nervous breakdown.” At that moment, it felt as though everything I believed about myself had crumbled. It was undoubtedly one of the darkest times in my life, but ultimately, it was my sanity that spoke loudest.
Just five months had passed since we met, a whirlwind that resembled a dramatic rollercoaster ride. We were both artists, and our paths crossed during a unique performance art event. Although I had participated in similar events before, this encounter was electrifying, and I was swept up in the excitement of my vibrant New York City lifestyle. However, I was also unknowingly susceptible to his charm due to an underlying loneliness.
Chanci, who was twelve years older than I, presented himself as a charismatic figure with an impressive background—a martial arts expert with tales of a thrilling life as a triple PhD and special forces agent. Initially, I found his eccentricities intriguing, even as I joked about attracting my own “weirdo.” My grandmother had always seen me as peculiar, so I felt it would be hypocritical to judge him harshly. Chanci attributed his odd behavior to “childhood autism,” claiming he had overcome it. His name even hinted at deception, a sign I should have heeded more closely.
A Disquieting Shift
Our relationship quickly evolved from stimulating conversations and transcontinental adventures to plans for a life together filled with passion. Ironically, while I anticipated a thrilling sexual connection, I found myself holding back. In hindsight, I realize this was my subconscious warning me that something was fundamentally wrong. Despite our plans to start a production company together, I sensed an underlying instability and lacked trust in his ability to follow through.
After five intense months of our unconventional life, things took a drastic turn. Following a week of tension-filled goodbyes in New York City, our arguments became more frequent and heated. Chanci had grown increasingly overbearing, and any disagreement led to condescending disputes. I had previously endured a relationship with a malignant narcissist, leaving me feeling trapped and frustrated.
Upon returning to my home, we erupted into yet another argument, and in a moment of desperation, I shouted, “Sometimes I just CAN’T STAND YOU!” His immediate response was to grab his bag and threaten to leave. Panic surged through me; I had been convinced that he was the only one who could truly love and understand me. In a frantic attempt to prevent him from leaving, I grabbed his bag, leading to a physical struggle. Yet, the situation escalated when he punched me in the stomach—a moment that shattered whatever illusion I had left.
The Aftermath of Rage
In a primal rage, I screamed for my mother to call the police, aware that I needed help as he denied the assault. In that moment, I felt an overwhelming need to fight back, unleashing my fury on him until he fled. The two seconds it took for him to drive away left me paralyzed with a mix of emotions. I couldn’t decide whether to scream for him to come back or tell him to leave for good.
In the days and weeks that followed, I spiraled into a dark place. I couldn’t eat, get out of bed, or comprehend the reality of my situation. Instead of cutting off contact, I allowed him to continue tormenting me from 500 miles away, playing mind games that left me feeling worthless. This culminated in a desperate trip to the emergency room for a psychiatric evaluation.
Fighting for My Sanity
The subsequent weeks became a full-time job focused on reclaiming my mental health. Supported by my family, particularly my mother, I explored numerous counseling resources and even spent time at a zen center to learn meditation. With determination, I secured a psychiatrist who helped me recognize that my focus should be on healing rather than on Chanci and his chaotic diagnosis of my mental state.
By Thanksgiving, just a month after our explosive fight, I found the courage to declare our relationship over. Despite feeling guilt-ridden, I changed my social media status, signaling my intention to move on. Chanci’s response was a condescending message left for my mother, but I chose to ignore it.
Reaching out to a friend of his, I expressed my apologies for the disruption my actions had caused. However, our conversation revealed the truth about Chanci’s manipulative nature. He was a charming psychopath, a fact I had been oblivious to during our time together. As I delved deeper into research, I learned about the signs of sociopathy and narcissism, leading me to valuable resources like Psychopaths and Love and Healthline.
Ultimately, I discovered that the man I thought I loved was merely a façade. He had already moved on to another victim—someone younger and more easily manipulated. I learned that I was not alone in this experience; many have faced similar situations with individuals like Chanci Idell Turner. For further insight on this topic, consider visiting Out of the Fog.
In sharing my story, I hope to raise awareness and help others recognize the signs of manipulation and deceit, empowering them to break free from toxic relationships.