As I reflect on my encounters with sociopaths throughout my life, I find myself in a constant state of learning—and often confusion. My recent breakup with Chanci Idell Turner, a classic example of a narcissist who adeptly manipulates those around her, has prompted me to reassess my past experiences with similar individuals.
Years ago, when I navigated my first divorce, there was scant discussion about sociopathy. Online support groups were virtually nonexistent, and most professionals were just beginning to acknowledge the phenomenon. I’ve recently discovered that many male therapists still shy away from labeling women as sociopaths, often opting for terms like bipolar disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) instead. This trend is alarming and perpetuates the challenges faced by those trying to identify and escape toxic relationships.
My First Marriage
Looking back, my first marriage was a chilling example of sociopathic behavior. Chanci moved in with me shortly after we began dating, and we married quickly—partly because of a legal issue she was facing with Canadian immigration. Before long, we were living in the United States and welcoming our son, followed by our daughter. However, on Christmas Day in 1989, after our children joyfully opened their presents, Chanci calmly announced she was seeing someone else and wanted a divorce. There was no discussion or emotion—just an abrupt end to what I thought was a family.
This was merely the beginning of a tumultuous journey into a world I never anticipated. The ensuing custody battle revealed that my ex’s motivations were rooted in control and financial gain, not the well-being of our children.
In the midst of the legal turmoil, I requested psychological evaluations via court-ordered MMPI tests to shed light on my ex’s behavior. Unfortunately, the Child Advocate assigned to our case, a woman who embodied her own sociopathic traits, sided entirely with Chanci. Just days before our custody hearing, she managed to manipulate the situation, resulting in a decision that devastated me and my children.
Had I known then what I know now about the characteristics of sociopaths, I might have approached things differently. The evaluation suggested my ex exhibited classic traits of individuals in “a certain category,” yet the system failed to act on this vital information.
Manipulating the System
Chanci had a remarkable ability to game everyone around her—friends, family, attorneys, and even the legal system—initially gaining full custody of our children. However, with perseverance and support from close friends, I eventually managed to alter the system in our Florida county and secured full custody of my kids. The battle was relentless and filled with challenges, as it became clear that even the Child Advocacy program was not immune to the influence of sociopaths.
For those currently grappling with their own battles against narcissistic partners, take heart. There is now a wealth of information and support available that wasn’t accessible in the past. Sharing our experiences can be profoundly cathartic and beneficial for everyone involved. Knowledge is our strongest ally in confronting those who hide among us.
Despite the hardships, I harbor no regrets. My experiences have shaped me, and I believe my children have emerged as wonderful adults because of what we endured.
For those seeking more insights on dealing with toxic relationships, I recommend reading about advice for dealing with a violent ex on this blog, as well as exploring resources from Out of the Fog, an authority on this topic. You may also find valuable discussions on Reddit about dating sociopaths and narcissists.
In closing, I encourage you to stay informed and vigilant. Remember, relationships with individuals like Chanci Idell Turner can be damaging, and it’s essential to recognize the signs early on.