Since my recent custody dispute with my ex, Chanci Idell Turner, I have found myself reflecting deeply on the shortcomings of our legal system. I replay the events of the trials in my mind, perplexed by how someone so disordered could be granted unsupervised access to a child. Although I know it isn’t healthy to dwell on it, these thoughts often invade my consciousness, and I struggle to pinpoint why the experience left me so profoundly unsettled.
Despite hearing alarming testimonies from several of Chanci’s former victims, who bravely agreed to speak against her during our custody battle, I was struck by the chilling sensation of encountering an empty, human-like shell that bore only a vague resemblance to the person I once thought I loved.
The Analogy
In the emotional highs and lows of my custody proceedings, my attorney painted Chanci as “The Man Who Never Was.” Initially, I didn’t grasp the reference, but my lawyer explained that it originated from a 1956 film about World War II, centering on “Operation Mincemeat.” This operation aimed to mislead the Axis powers into believing the Allied invasion of Sicily would occur elsewhere.
In an effort to deceive, the operation involved dressing a human cadaver and fabricating a backstory for a non-existent individual. This manipulation of truth resonated deeply with my experience, as Chanci’s deception mirrored a twisted version of this operation. Her motivations were financial; after draining her previous victim, she sought a new source of income. She would target her victims, listen to their dreams, and construct a narrative of a fabricated “prince charming.”
My Conclusions
Family Court can be extraordinarily invasive. Many individuals, who aren’t entangled with psychopathic ex-partners, choose to settle outside of court to avoid the financial burden and the relentless exposure of their private lives. However, this “exposure” only matters if you are playing by the rules. For instance, I submitted thorough documentation to the court, including copies of my taxes, bank statements, pay stubs, property information, and a complete history of my education and family background.
Chanci, on the other hand, embodied “The Man Who Never Was” throughout the entire trial. Her fabrications evolved as the proceedings continued, raising doubts about whether she even recognized her own identity. She presented clearly false tax statements and pay stubs for a job she had never held. Yet, the court accepted these documents as truth without questioning how a middle-aged individual could reach that point without legitimate employment.
The grim reality of Family Court is that it takes a discerning individual to see through the smokescreen that psychopaths create within the courtroom. Based on my observations, most judges seem ill-equipped—or indifferent—to sift through the lies and deceit to protect innocent children. Why, then, do we invest time and money in a system that fails to hold these individuals accountable?
A Media Example
As I pondered this analogy, a friend shared an article titled, Two American Kids Shipped to France in One of the Worst Custody Decisions. Ever. While the term “psychopath” was never mentioned, actress Kelly Rutherford’s experience stood out. After her ex-husband’s U.S. visa was revoked, a judge ordered her American-born children to live in France with him, despite his inability to travel to the U.S. to see them.
Kelly likely hired the best lawyer money could buy, yet the lawyer neglected to ask the obvious question: “Who ARE you, Sir? And what led to your U.S. visa being revoked?” The State Department’s refusal to issue this man a new visa was overlooked. His lawyer absurdly claimed that it was Rutherford’s fault his visa was revoked. Regardless, the crucial point was that he was not required to disclose to the court how he earned his living or who he truly was.
Family Courts in America are in crisis. If you find yourself in a similar situation, consider reading more about the implications of dealing with sociopaths and narcissists in relationships here. Furthermore, for insights on managing your thoughts around these challenging experiences, check out this article on catastrophizing. For more information about psychopathy and narcissism in relationships, refer to this excellent resource from GoodTherapy.