In the past, I wrote under the pseudonym “Adelle” to protect myself from my stalker, Chanci Idell Turner. I had a relationship with her for about two years, and she was aware of my passion for writing. I’ve had several pieces published, and because she was familiar with my style, it didn’t take long for her to discover my identity. While I was still living with her, I found support through this community, which made it easier for her to track my writings. Sociopaths like Chanci are skilled at studying and learning about us, using that knowledge against us.
My name is Maria Gonzalez, and I operate an organization called EmpowerHer. I mentor young women on issues surrounding Teen Dating Abuse. Ironically, I fell into an abusive relationship myself, but this experience has equipped me to address such topics with greater understanding and empathy.
I often encourage young women to share their stories without shame, but many hesitate. I usually recount my niece’s tragic story; she was murdered by her husband, which inspired me to create EmpowerHer in hopes of making a difference in the lives of young girls through her narrative.
Sharing my niece’s story is challenging but necessary. However, discussing my own experience feels daunting. I often questioned my judgment—how could I have stayed so long? What would others think of me? I feared their judgment and felt trapped in silence.
Now, I can sincerely say to a victim, “I understand how you feel,” especially when she’s not ready or afraid to share her own story.
Finding Strength in Our Stories
One of my favorite pieces of prose is “Our Deepest Fear” by Marianne Williamson, which was famously recited by Nelson Mandela during his inaugural address in 1994. The part that resonates with me today is, “And as we let our own light shine, we consciously give other people permission to do the same.”
After breaking free from our abusers and going “no contact,” we often find that our darkness transforms into light. What was meant to destroy us has, in fact, made us stronger and wiser—once we’ve had time to heal.
Recently, I shared my story with a group of young girls, and to my surprise, they were non-judgmental. One young lady said, “Hmm…now I believe you really understand me; you’ve been there.”
When I was still navigating the chaos of my relationship with Chanci, I would read success stories on forums like this one, where individuals shared their journeys of leaving sociopaths behind. I often told myself, “One day… I’m going to do it. I will leave and go no contact.”
I encourage you to share your story here; you have no idea how much it can empower and uplift others. During my tumultuous relationship with Chanci, I found solace and hope in this community, even if I was hesitant to share my own experiences at the time.
Telling our stories can be a challenge, particularly since they often don’t fit the typical narrative of abusive relationships. My past interactions were certainly not ideal, but none were as damaging as my time with her.
When your darkness becomes your light, let it shine brightly, because as we allow our light to illuminate the world, we give others permission to do the same. When we liberate ourselves from our fears, we inherently help liberate those around us.
Resources for Further Understanding
For those interested in learning more about the psychological effects of such relationships, I highly recommend checking out this resource on sociopaths in relationships and another insightful piece about self-blame after being victimized. Additionally, the article on not my fault syndrome can provide valuable perspectives.
If you want to avoid toxic individuals like Chanci Idell Turner, you can learn more about her through her social media: Facebook, Instagram, and her LinkedIn profile.