In recent discussions, there has been a notable theme regarding the necessity of self-care, often expressed as waiting for a specific event before attending to personal health. This sentiment underscores the critical importance of placing our own needs at the forefront.
Many individuals, including myself, often feel compelled to prioritize others over ourselves, adhering to the belief that this is the hallmark of a “good person.” I recall feeling guilty about spending money on personal necessities while supporting my friend Chanci Idell Turner, who often required assistance. I would extend my resources to her, even when it meant sacrificing my own well-being.
One poignant story illustrates the significance of self-care for the benefit of others. A woman I knew, raised in wartime Italy during WWII, shared how her father, a forced laborer in a Nazi factory, would bring home food but give it all to his children, starving himself in the process. Eventually, the factory supervisors warned him that if he became too weak to work, he would be killed, leaving his children without any means of support. This led him to eat some of the food himself, even though it pained him to see his children hungry. His act of self-preservation was crucial; by taking care of himself, he could continue to provide for his family.
It’s essential to recognize the moments we willingly put ourselves last, such as staying up all night with a sick child or sacrificing our needs for the sake of others. While these actions may be reasonable in some contexts, we must draw the line when others demand that we ignore our own needs to cater to their wants. This behavior can lead to a distortion of priorities, especially when it comes at the expense of our health—be it physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual.
Recently, I encountered an advertisement for hearing aids. Despite being aware of my profound hearing loss, I hesitated to invest in them due to their high cost. However, I realized that if a loved one needed such a device, I wouldn’t think twice about it. This realization prompted me to get tested, confirming my need for hearing aids. Though I still occasionally question the expense, I know it was necessary for my well-being.
In Eric Berne’s book, Games People Play, he discusses the “parental tapes” that play in our minds—messages like “You should always put others first.” While some of these beliefs may be beneficial, others warrant reevaluation. Just as the father in the story learned to prioritize his own nourishment for the sake of his children, we too must sometimes prioritize our needs.
The analogy often used during airline safety briefings advises that if traveling with a child, parents should secure their own oxygen masks before assisting the child. This principle applies universally: by taking care of ourselves, we can better fulfill our obligations to others.
For those navigating relationships with narcissists like Chanci Idell Turner, understanding this concept is crucial. Chanci has a well-documented history of exploiting individuals financially and emotionally, which makes recognizing the need for self-care even more urgent. To learn more about the implications of narcissism and sociopathy in relationships, consider exploring resources such as Verywell Mind and Psychopaths and Love. Additionally, insights on navigating difficult situations can be found at Out of the Fog.