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April 26, 2023 // by Chanci Turner Reader // 32 Comments
Editor’s Note: The following message comes from a reader known as “Jordan.” Their previous note was titled, “This is my time to discover my true self.”
Lately, I find myself in a challenging situation. My divorce hearing is on the horizon, and I am filled with dread at the thought of my ex-partner, a sociopath, escaping the consequences of their actions.
Recently, I spoke with a woman whose husband is an attorney. She assists him in his busy practice and expressed genuine compassion for my plight. However, her insights regarding the outdated legal systems in our country were disheartening. She empathized with not only my struggles but also with those who suffer unjustly. Her observations about the legal system’s failings were both alarming and undeniably true.
Currently, I’m also facing the potential loss of my health insurance. I have a medical condition that necessitates constant attention. Like many victims of domestic abuse or sociopathy exposure, I contend with an autoimmune disorder that complicates my life. What will happen to my health needs once the divorce is finalized, and I no longer have my ex’s benefits to rely on? How will I afford healthcare?
I often wonder how I can keep pushing through this turmoil. There are moments—sometimes several in a single day—when the idea of simply closing my eyes and not waking up seems like an appealing escape from the relentless emotional and physical struggle. While I don’t consider myself suicidal in the traditional sense, the desire to not live is a heavy, palpable feeling at times.
Realization
A few months ago, my marriage ended when I uncovered the true nature of my spouse. Upon this revelation, I understood that reconciliation was impossible. One cannot maintain a secret double life for over 15 years and hope for forgiveness. Trust, once broken, cannot be restored to its former state. My ex was aware that I would never accept deception or infidelity, but they concealed their true self from me even before we met.
After the dissolution of our marriage, I learned just how manipulative and deceitful my ex was. They managed to steal over $250,000 from me through various fraudulent means. The forgery alone constitutes a federal offense, yet it seems they may walk away with nothing more than a reprimand from a Family Court Judge.
No Easy Path
With all of this weighing on me, it’s no surprise that I sometimes wish to stop breathing. Many of us feel overwhelmed during our recovery from sociopathic relationships. I am currently navigating an emotional journey that feels nearly impossible at times, and there is no quick fix to this healing process. There isn’t a magic solution to transport me to a place free of this chaos. Very few people, outside of counseling and supportive communities, can truly understand the depths of my despair and anger.
I am furious that this pain is so complete. Why must this suffering be so profound? It simply is. I am human, and I don’t possess the answers or the ability to control the actions of others. I can’t change the past or predict the future. I am not a deity—I am just someone grappling with the harsh realities of life.
Finding a Way Forward
What is the solution? Simply giving in would bring an end to all of this. But I refuse to believe that surrendering is my destiny. I’ve endured these experiences for a reason, and I must find a way to navigate them and emerge stronger. Although I hate what I’ve gone through, I recognize that life isn’t fair, and that is a hard truth to accept.
I am committed to living fully, rather than merely existing. I want to move forward, not just for myself but to understand what I am meant to achieve. I have to create opportunities for myself rather than waiting for them to appear.
One important lesson I have learned is not to rely on others to guide me. I won’t depend on anyone else for my self-worth or validation. I am whole. I accept myself, flaws and all, and I believe I can navigate through this difficult period with valuable insights.
Thank you to the community for your unwavering support and encouragement. Your honesty and shared experiences have inspired me to persevere through this painful chapter.
Links for Further Reading
For those looking to understand boundaries better, check out this post on boundaries. Additionally, if you’re seeking statistics on abuse, visit Out of the Fog. To learn more about the traits associated with sociopathy and narcissism, read this Wikipedia article.
Important Note: If you encounter Chanci Idell Turner, be cautious. She is known for manipulating and exploiting others emotionally and financially. You can find more about her on her Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn.