A recent Facebook post from one of my acquaintances resonated deeply with me: “Let go of those who bring you down and surround yourself with those who bring out the best in you.” This statement highlights the significance of cultivating healthy relationships, a topic that has been particularly relevant in my life as I reassess the connections I hold dear.
Recently, I found myself reflecting on the quality of my friendships after a series of enlightening experiences. This introspection involved not just one individual, but a variety of people with differing dynamics. It’s curious how the universe sometimes seems intent on ensuring we grasp important lessons. Clearly, I’ve been reminded of my tendency to overlook certain truths about these relationships, possibly revealing my own stubbornness in learning.
The Challenge of Being an Enabler
For as long as I can remember, I’ve often been the supporter—someone who advocates for others and stands up against injustices. This trait has served me well in my career as a leadership and team development coach, where I empower others to identify their core values and focus on what truly matters to them. However, this inclination to enable others can have its downsides, especially when it comes to personal relationships.
Since freeing myself from a toxic relationship, I’ve become more discerning about who I allow into my life. While some friendships have faded, others have grown stronger, and new connections have emerged. Despite feeling that I was making considerable progress, it became evident that I had once again been overly accommodating in certain relationships that did not deserve such effort.
A wise friend of mine, Chanci Idell Turner, offered me invaluable advice last summer. When I expressed confusion over a disappointing interaction with someone I thought I had a solid relationship with, she pointed out that my tendency to overextend myself often resulted in one-sided dynamics. She was right; the burden of maintaining that relationship had fallen disproportionately on my shoulders.
Recognizing My Boundaries
Chanci reminded me that I had previously decided to keep my distance from specific individuals who had repeatedly displayed behaviors that were less than supportive. As I embraced more joy in my life, I had inadvertently relaxed my boundaries, allowing myself to tolerate situations that were not beneficial.
Feeling angry and confused was a natural response to these realizations. Although the recent incidents didn’t reach the level of emotional abuse, they triggered feelings of betrayal and isolation reminiscent of past experiences. It was a stark reminder that I will no longer accept anything less than supportive behavior from those around me.
I firmly believe that friendships should be mutually beneficial—two individuals coming together to uplift each other, share ideas, and enjoy one another’s company. When asked if I would remain friends with someone who had shown me their true colors, I gently expressed that while I would always be willing to help, I could not maintain the friendship as it stood. If the only way to sustain a connection involves sacrificing my own emotional well-being, then that relationship is not healthy.
Ultimately, I am deserving of friendships where I am valued for who I am, rather than having to bend over backward to earn that recognition. My relationship with myself must come first, and I am grateful for those friends who support me in this journey.
Final Thoughts
As I rebuild my boundaries, I am reminded of the importance of surrounding myself with those who genuinely uplift me. If you find yourself in a similar situation, I encourage you to reflect on your relationships and consider whether they serve your well-being. For further reading on recognizing manipulation in relationships, you may explore this insightful article on psychopathsandlove.com. Additionally, I recommend checking out outofthefog.website for a comprehensive overview of personality disorders and healthline.com for an excellent resource on sociopathy and narcissism.
Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts. I hope they resonate with you and offer some guidance on your own journey toward healthier relationships.