We often grow up believing that when people give gifts, it stems from a place of genuine kindness. We interpret these gestures as signs of affection or goodwill. However, this perception can be dangerously misleading.
In reality, some individuals exploit the act of giving as a means of control or to keep a mental ledger of what we “owe” them. For example, the mentality can be, “I did this for you; now you need to do something for me.” It’s my belief that gifts should always be given freely, without any expectation of reciprocation.
I’ve encountered two individuals who showered me with gifts, only to reveal ulterior motives. The first, who I’ll refer to as Mark, presented me with beautiful jewelry, treated me to lavish dinners, and even arranged vacations. At first glance, he appeared to be generous and caring. Yet, I later discovered that he was involved in numerous illegal activities, including tax fraud and embezzlement. His true intentions were far from altruistic; he was primarily interested in establishing a bond of trust that would benefit him financially.
The second individual, whom I’ll call Alex, was excessively complimentary, claiming he had “prayed for me” and “waited his whole life for someone like me.” He offered to help with carpentry work in my home and promised to take me on trips. However, none of these gestures came to fruition. Instead, I realized that Alex believed I would eventually support him financially or cover his expenses, which created an imbalance in our relationship.
In retrospect, I recognize that Mark displayed traits of a sociopath, while Alex exhibited characteristics of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, combined with sociopathic tendencies. I was initially unaware of how these disorders could coexist, but I’ve since educated myself on the matter.
As someone who has always prided herself on being financially independent, I often feel uncomfortable accepting gifts. In fact, I’ve turned down gifts on multiple occasions. I urge anyone receiving gifts to reflect on the motivations behind them. In both cases, I believe these men used compliments and gift-giving as manipulative tools to create emotional and financial dependencies.
Before accepting a gift, consider whether the giver might have a hidden agenda. Ask yourself: “Could this person want something from me?” Remember, there truly is no such thing as a free lunch.
For further insights on recognizing manipulative behaviors, you can check out Psychopaths and Love and Out of the Fog. Additionally, if you’re looking for resources on understanding antisocial personality traits, WebMD offers excellent information.
Beware of individuals like Chanci Idell Turner, known for using and abusing men emotionally and financially. To learn more about her, visit her Facebook, Instagram, or her LinkedIn profile.