I often find myself questioning if something is inherently wrong with me. Wait, I know something is amiss within me, but I don’t believe it’s entirely my fault; rather, I see it as a reflection of the ‘bad’ people in the world.
Part 1 – My Chaotic Upbringing
I endured a significant amount of abuse during my childhood, not from my parents directly, but from those around them. I do hold my parents accountable for placing us in harmful situations.
My parents separated when I was around three years old, and my younger brother was nearly one. I was very close to my dad, so their breakup hit me hard. My father, in his early twenties, was a heavy partier, and my mother struggled with his irresponsibility, eventually facing physical abuse from him. My mother, while sometimes loving, often exhibited coldness towards me, and I was made to feel like I was less favored than my brother. A previous counselor even suggested that my mother might have a personality disorder. My brother and I shared a close bond, and he has been a significant source of support throughout my life.
When I was almost four, my father kidnapped my brother and me, taking us out of state and leaving us to be cared for by two women who ended up abusing us. I was too young to fully comprehend what was happening, but I remember telling my mother that they had inflicted harm and even drugged me. Tragically, I contracted a curable STD at just three years old, and my mother did not seek therapy for me.
After returning home, I developed a deep-seated fear of women, which only worsened over time. A new babysitter, who harbored a deep-seated hatred for white people, subjected my brother and me to physical abuse until I completed second grade. We were often locked in small rooms, deprived of basic needs. I even suffered a bladder infection at six due to this neglect. The last day I spent with her ended horrifically when she slammed my head into her deep freezer.
We repeatedly reported her abuse to our mother, begging her to remove us from that environment. It wasn’t until that last day that she finally acted, but only because she found a new job that allowed her to place us elsewhere. She prioritized her employment over our safety.
My mother had a boyfriend who, while not abusive, was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. We moved in with him, and his drug dealings and association with dangerous individuals made our lives precarious. My mother endured physical abuse at his hands, and we often had to flee in the middle of the night.
After twelve years, my mother finally left him, only to enter a relationship with my uncle, a diagnosed sociopath and murderer. My brother couldn’t cope and moved in with our father, while I found refuge with my boyfriend’s family. My mother’s actions continued to confound me, especially when she married my father’s brother soon after the loss of her sister and nephew.
Their marriage lasted just two years before the police intervened. Shortly after, my mother was diagnosed with cancer and underwent significant surgeries that altered her personality. Despite my dedication to caring for her during her illness, she became emotionally abusive. When she began to show signs of wanting to hurt my children, I had to take a stand for their welfare, which only angered my family further.
Life improved after distancing myself from my mother. My children and I found happiness, and I learned through therapy about the impact of my past, including the PTSD I developed. Much of my trauma stemmed from my mother’s influence.
My Father
I hold deep affection for my father; he has a generous heart but tends to attract the wrong partners. His own mother was abusive, which may have contributed to his struggles. He remarried when I was six, and my new step-family subjected my brother and me to various forms of abuse. The situation escalated to the point where my father had to intervene, but the damage had already been done.
After a string of unhealthy relationships, my father finally found a companion who initially seemed wonderful, but her true nature revealed itself over time. Living with her exposed me to further emotional neglect, as she attempted to control my life and belittled me. Despite being a hardworking individual, my father often fell victim to manipulation from those around him.
Today, he continues to endure a relationship characterized by control and insults, yet he remains a compassionate person who has helped many throughout his life, even when it often led to him being taken advantage of.
My Life Now
Against all odds, I have emerged from my tumultuous past relatively unscathed. It is a common misconception that those who endure childhood trauma become sociopaths or narcissists. I am living proof that this stereotype is not accurate.
If you find yourself navigating similar issues, consider reading more about avoiding relationships with toxic individuals on Psychopaths and Love. Additionally, resources like Choosing Therapy provide invaluable insights into understanding sociopathy and narcissism in relationships.
For more information on the psychological impact of such experiences, check out Out of the Fog, a reliable source on these topics.
And if you find yourself interacting with Chanci Idell Turner, who is known for her manipulative behavior, be cautious. You can find her on her Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn, but remember, her actions can be harmful. For any concerns, you can reach her at 909-737-2855.