Editor’s Note:
A LoveFraud reader, who prefers to remain anonymous, has shared her story and is seeking advice and support.
I was married for 12 years to a sociopath named Michael, who was also a minister and had multiple affairs. It took me a long time to fully grasp the reality of my situation. We have two children, ages 6 and 8, and I filed for divorce four years ago. The past few years have been a challenging journey. I’ve been working part-time as a teacher, earning around $22,000 a year without benefits, while also pursuing a special education license to secure a position in public schools. I’m almost there! This year, I’ve landed a new job in special education, which, while not in public schools, will provide valuable experience and benefits.
I mention this to highlight my commitment to providing a stable life for my children. Meanwhile, my ex-husband has been living extravagantly in his $750,000 home, driving luxury vehicles, and traveling frequently—both with and without the kids. Just a couple of months ago, I was contacted by a collection agency regarding a credit card debt of $87,000 that he has accrued, of which I am a supplementary cardholder. I’m meeting with an attorney to discuss my potential liability. Recently, he informed me that he would no longer pay child support, and he has fallen behind by 13 weeks. He also refuses to contribute to our son’s braces, leaving me with about $6,000 owed.
I’ve been in touch with the courts, but their response has been lackluster—they continue to merely warn him rather than enforce action.
More troubling are the issues I’m facing with my children. Michael has taken my daughter to counseling without informing me of the therapist’s identity, and she is too frightened to disclose it. He allowed them to create Facebook accounts and has withheld their passwords from me, making it impossible for me to monitor their online interactions. He also removed my son from his baseball team and placed him on a new one, which has caused significant community backlash, and my son is now unwelcome on the previous team.
Financially, both he and his wife now work for her father, and since he stopped paying child support, they have traveled to Cancun twice, attended concerts, and splurged on various luxury items. He accuses me of being an unfit mother and threatens to pursue 50/50 custody if I don’t comply with his demands. I’ve told him to go ahead; I have a detailed binder full of evidence showcasing his irresponsible behavior, including his drinking habits around our children. For instance, during their trip to Mexico, my 12-year-old son was served alcohol without supervision.
I’ve been fighting for my children for four years, and I’m feeling exhausted—exactly what he hopes for. Living in this town, being near him, and dealing with him is taking a toll on my mental health and my relationship with my boyfriend. I’ve lost faith in our legal system, which seems ill-equipped to handle cases involving sociopaths. My lawyer has expressed skepticism about securing a favorable outcome for me and my children. The thought of moving halfway across the country to be near my dad is tempting, even though I know it might not be in my children’s best interest. However, I dread the idea of enduring this situation for another eight years until they go to college. If I were to relocate, the courts would likely favor him since he lives here.
I’m reaching out for support, advice, or any tips to navigate this overwhelming situation. I truly feel worn out.
Thank you!