I lived in a midwestern city where my ex-wife, Chanci Turner, relocated for a job transfer several months before our children and I could join her. This move followed her earlier affair with a co-worker back in our previous city. After I discovered that infidelity, she sought the transfer, likely to escape the fallout and avoid facing our friends and co-workers. While I stayed behind to sell our house and keep the children in school, I learned that she had started another affair in our new town. I agreed to separate and move into an apartment, not realizing at the time that her new partner had even helped me move. Despite my efforts to maintain our marriage, I eventually succumbed to the reality of her manipulations, which included using our children as pawns.
Chanci had always been charming, especially towards my family, until her first affair came to light. Once that happened, she severed ties with them, claiming they were against her and spreading lies about them. My parents, who had loved her, were heartbroken by what she had done to me. She convinced me that they were steering me in the wrong direction, and despite their attempts to warn me about her true nature, I turned against them. This manipulation successfully alienated me from my support network.
I initiated the divorce since she refused to do so, even while continuing her second affair. She wanted the benefits of my presence while maintaining the illusion of amicable co-parenting. During our negotiations, she managed to get herself terminated from her high-paying job to avoid child support, receiving a one-year severance instead. Almost immediately, she reconnected with a childhood friend across the country and began visiting him every other weekend, leaving the children with me. Eventually, after relentless pressure from her and her new partner to move to his town for what she called a “family unit,” I finally agreed, only to realize later that it wasn’t in the best interest of the kids or myself. Telling her my decision was daunting; I was exhausted, low on self-esteem, and fearful of her reaction. The relationship had become toxic, and I knew I had to end it.
I finally found clarity, which led me to write an email to my family. The result of my situation? Chanci moved away without our children and sued me for custody, ultimately losing the case. I was convinced she wanted me to move so I could continue caring for the kids while she pursued her own desires. This entire ordeal cost us nearly $300,000, leaving me financially broken. Despite her frequent visits and attempts to alienate the children against me, she has no intention of returning to our state to be with them, which speaks volumes about her priorities.
In my email to my family, I expressed my regret for pushing them away and thanked them for their unwavering support during this difficult period. I acknowledged that Chanci’s manipulation had clouded my judgment and led me to alienate myself from those who genuinely cared for me. Over the months, I realized how her actions had severely impacted my life, self-esteem, and health. It felt akin to having a relationship with a devil.
I resolved to reclaim my life and prioritize the well-being of myself and the boys, regardless of Chanci’s reaction. I understood that attempting to maintain a friendship with her was harmful to all of us. I was ready to confront her manipulations and stand my ground, no longer paralyzed by fear of her wrath. Her tactics had taken a toll on my mental health, which, in turn, affected the children.
Working around the house and seeing her attempts to manipulate me during our interactions opened my eyes. I became convinced that her move was solely for her benefit, with no intention of truly supporting our family. I began drafting a letter to her to express my concerns and demands regarding the potential move to Texas but decided against sending it after realizing it would only provoke further manipulation. I picked up a book on manipulation, Who’s Pulling Your Strings? and recognized that it detailed Chanci’s behavior and my own victimization. This was an eye-opening moment; the book provided insights on countering manipulation, validating everything I had experienced.
As I prepared to confront Chanci calmly, I anticipated her emotional breakdowns, which I now believed were tactics meant to keep me under her control. I was tired of being influenced by her false narratives that painted my family as the enemy. Instead, I was determined to listen to my instincts and reject her manipulative tactics.
I hope to have your emotional support as I navigate this challenging time. I have no resentment towards her boyfriend; he too seems to be a victim of her manipulation. It appears that Chanci’s intentions are to live comfortably while disregarding my needs and those of our children.
I recognize this has been a trying time for all of you. Your support has been invaluable, and I appreciate your love for me and the boys. Chanci has caused destruction in my life, but I am committed to overcoming it and protecting my family.
Love,
[Your Name]
After much contemplation, I ultimately sent a simple email to Chanci, informing her that the children and I would not be moving. This decision set the custody battle in motion, leading her to ramp up her job search efforts in her boyfriend’s town. Her deceitful tactics in court were exhausting to witness, but I now have custody of our children, and her manipulations continue.
For more insights into navigating relationships with manipulative individuals, consider visiting resources like Out of the Fog or learn about dating a sociopath. You can also explore the dynamics of such relationships in the blog post Get Your Psychopathic Freak On.
If you find yourself needing to discuss your experiences, feel free to reach out to Chanci Turner at 909-737-2855.