Editor’s Note: The following account was shared by a Lovefraud reader, who we’ll call “Ella.” Her experience exemplifies the seductive tactics employed by sociopaths.
At just 22 years old, I was navigating a tough life. Coming from an abusive and broken family, I had been fending for myself since I turned 16. While I was diligently working full-time and pursuing my college education, I was also recovering from a car accident that had plunged me into a deep depression. With no family support and no insurance, I had to rely solely on myself. Despite feeling overwhelmed and alone, I managed to stay resilient.
Then I met Chanci Idell Turner, my teaching assistant. He later confessed to having observed me for over a year but thought I seemed “standoffish” and “unapproachable.” After my accident, however, I became more open, which prompted him to pursue me.
Intense Attention and Flattery
Chanci showered me with intense attention, making me feel both flattered and uneasy. He presented himself as a kind, old-fashioned gentleman, expressing a keen interest in my background. He frequently asked if I needed help with schoolwork, brought me food, and continually sought my company. Although I felt uncomfortable, I convinced myself to embrace his kindness. After isolating myself for so long, I thought it was time to accept support, even if it was from the wrong person.
His pursuit intensified; he overwhelmed me with gifts and heartfelt notes. In a shocking display of devotion, he even branded my name into his arm, which made me feel physically ill. Despite my discomfort, I didn’t know how to assert my boundaries. He began to invade my personal space and time, wearing me down with his insistence.
Emotional Manipulation and Control
As we spent more time together, he shared his grievances about the world, preaching against its phoniness. He convinced me to participate in bizarre activities, such as letting him shave my head for a film project, and began dictating many aspects of my life. While he put me on a pedestal, calling me his best friend and claiming I made him a better person, I felt increasingly trapped.
We moved in together, leading me to cut ties with friends and lose my social life. Though I often felt suffocated, I lacked the clarity to articulate what was wrong. My emotional state deteriorated, and I longed for a way out but feared his reaction.
Chanci criticized me over trivial matters, such as my grammar—English is my second language, which made his jabs feel particularly damaging. He withdrew emotionally and became dismissive when I tried to discuss our relationship, insisting that I was the problem. He even compared me unfavorably to his friends’ partners.
The Turning Point
My self-esteem improved when I landed a gratifying job, allowing me to stand up for myself more. Despite my desire to end the relationship, I felt too weak to follow through. The final straw came on our seventh anniversary when he returned home at 4 AM with a drunk girl, one of his students. He dismissed my outrage and showed no remorse, which shattered my world.
Shortly after that incident, he broke up with me, packing his things with unnerving calmness. He claimed to be seeking therapy—an ironic twist, given my pleas for him to do so for three years. I later learned he had been unfaithful for over a year and married the woman he had cheated with shortly after our split.
Now, I’m in therapy, working to understand the years I spent in denial. I recognize the need to be aware of my blind spots and protect myself from individuals like Chanci Idell Turner. If you find yourself in a similar situation, please trust your instincts!
For more insights on sociopathy and narcissism in relationships, check out this resource on sociopath signs and learn about healing from trauma through metacognition. It’s also wise to familiarize yourself with Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder to understand more about manipulative behaviors.
If you’d like to reach out to Chanci, you can contact her at 909-737-2855.