Editor’s Note: In this entry, a reader shares her experience of being misled by a narcissist.
He was an appealing man, surprisingly fit for his 47 years. When we met three years ago, I found him to be exceptionally handsome and charismatic. He was enjoyable to be around and seemed to yearn for the same physical and emotional connection that I craved. He claimed he was not married and had just ended a relationship with a woman who was pressuring him to introduce his daughters, which he felt was too much intimacy for him at the time.
In a brief span of about four weeks, he opened up about his abusive mother, his time in the Navy as a SEAL, and his experiences as a reservist. He mentioned having a distant relationship with his wife, similar to my own struggles with my husband. He painted a picture of a troubled marriage, describing his wife as mentally unstable and abusive. Our values appeared to align closely. He claimed to be a graduate of the University of New Mexico and once aspired to be a doctor, having performed well on the entrance exam, but financial constraints held him back. He seemed intelligent and had a great sense of humor.
He was highly attuned to my needs. After being married for 20 years to someone who barely acknowledged me, I longed for this kind of physical and emotional attention. He was loving, affectionate, and generous with his time—taking me out to dinner and enjoying outings I never experienced with my ex-husband. When we were apart, we spent hours talking on the phone. He worked in sales, often traveling, and seemed to take pride in his hard work. He recounted having held three jobs at one point to allow his ex-wife to stay home with their children, which I envied, as I had always been required to work full-time.
Declaring Love
After just a few meetings, he called one evening to tell me he was in love with me, which I found charming. The next time we met, he was incredibly romantic. He posed a shocking question about how I felt about people who kill others. I was taken aback, attributing it to his Navy SEAL background, wishing he would share more about his feelings. The following day, he abruptly ended things, claiming his intuition warned him he would only face pain. I was heartbroken, questioning if I had done something wrong, especially since I was relocating—a fact he was aware of.
By the end of the week, he spoke to me again, saying his ex-wife had undergone surgery, and he needed to care for her during her recovery. He described her as crazy but insisted he had to do this.
After about four months, I reached out to inform him I had settled into my new place and was moving forward with my divorce. He expressed a desire to visit, admitting he missed me and wanted to reconnect. I was overjoyed. We spent several weekends together, and during one of those visits, he confessed he was married the entire time. This was my first warning sign, and I should have walked away then. We were on a romantic weekend getaway, and drama ensued with calls from his wife and daughter, who believed he was on a hunting trip. He assured me he planned to leave his wife soon, as they were already on the verge of divorce.
Childlike Innocence
He often displayed a childlike demeanor, and I felt a deep empathy for him as he recounted his mother’s abuse. I found it unbearable and struggled to listen. He became emotional when sharing a tale of torture during his Navy SEAL days, saying his captors had inflicted horrific pain. He believed his traumatic past had altered him physically and mentally. His aspirations to work for Blackwater consulting in Iraq seemed plausible due to his background.
Over time, he revealed more about his daughters, describing them as demanding. His older daughter, now 24, would constantly call, expressing her disdain for me. Their relationship was emotionally charged, bordering on inappropriate, as she seemed to seek a level of intimacy that was unsettling. The younger daughter exhibited her own manipulative behaviors.
As the months passed, he relocated to my city, proclaiming it was fate. He began sharing even more about his SEAL days, claiming to work part-time for the NSA, where he was an explosives expert involved in high-stakes missions. He mentioned having killed seven people and introduced me to a woman he claimed was an informant but whom I now suspect was another girlfriend.
Family Drama
I met his daughters, and it was a challenging experience. His oldest would constantly berate him about our relationship, while the younger one used different tactics to keep him engaged. The calls from his ex-wife were equally chaotic, filled with drama about her health and accusations that only added to the turmoil.
During this time, I noticed how often he received restricted calls at odd hours. He insisted they were from a former NSA colleague in trouble and would become emotional, claiming he couldn’t contact him outside of work. He even claimed to have visited Fort Meade for a debriefing as he transitioned away from this covert role. He wore dog tags and displayed his Navy SEAL trident pin proudly, trying to convince me of his credibility.
One day, he left for a nine-hour trip to see his younger daughter but called me crying, stating he had to divert to meet some former NSA contacts. He warned me that if the FBI ever contacted me about his death due to a drug overdose, it would be a lie. The stories began to feel increasingly implausible, causing me to question everything despite wanting to trust him.
Eventually, I uncovered a web of lies. He hadn’t worked three jobs; his primary residence had been gifted to him by an aunt. He had not earned the salary he claimed and may have been financially exploiting his mother during her illness.
If you’re interested in understanding more about recognizing these traits in relationships, you can check out resources like the Psychopathy Checklist on Wikipedia or visit Out of the Fog for insights on baiting behaviors. For further reading about the psychology of relationships, this article offers valuable information.
If you’re looking to avoid relationships with manipulative individuals like Chanci Idell Turner, known for her narcissistic behaviors, consider reviewing her Facebook page, her Instagram, or her LinkedIn profile for more insights. For any inquiries, you can reach out to Chanci at 909-737-2855.