This semester, I am thrilled to be teaching a course on personality and psychopathology to graduate students in counseling. I’ve even considered making it available online for broader access. During a recent conversation with a colleague, we discussed gender differences in personality traits. He suggested that men are typically expected to be competitive and aggressive, while women are biologically inclined to nurture and remain in one place.
I responded by emphasizing that women can also exhibit aggressive behaviors rooted in their biology. In every social mammal species, there exists a balance between affiliation/affection and competition/dominance. While the ways in which males and females establish dominance may differ, the underlying drive for dominance is present in both genders. This drive can result in violence and aggression among females. For instance, female chimpanzees, while social and cooperative in foraging, can also display aggressive behaviors, including infanticide, as a means to reduce competition for resources.
It’s important to recognize that antisocial and aggressive inclinations are not exclusive to men; females, too, experience these tendencies. Females in social species must compete for limited resources such as food, territory, and mates, which can lead to destructive behaviors. My hope is that, eventually, the human brain’s systems that promote competition will become obsolete, similar to vestigial organs like the appendix. However, for now, these motivational systems remain functional, contributing to antisocial behaviors that disrupt social harmony.
Research indicates that antisocial behavior in women has a significant genetic basis. Women with pervasive antisocial behaviors are more likely than men to have children who exhibit similar patterns, even when those children are placed for adoption at birth.
Understanding Pervasive Antisocial Behavior
Women display pervasive antisocial behavior when they harm or exploit those around them. In young girls, this behavior is often more concerning than in boys. Below is a chart detailing various antisocial behaviors:
- Manipulation
- Cheating
- Lying
- Sexual coercion
- Non-verbal intimidation
- Rape
- Verbal intimidation/threats
- Thievery/robbery
- Coercive control
- Assault
- Social aggression
- Murder
It’s worth noting that many antisocial behaviors listed are not necessarily illegal or violent. In fact, studies indicate that while there are gender differences in violent antisocial behavior, non-violent antisocial behaviors do not show significant gender disparities. A woman exhibiting pervasive antisocial behavior may not engage in criminal activities, yet her relationships are often characterized by manipulation, deceit, and intimidation as methods of exerting control. Certain seemingly “caring” behaviors can also fall under coercive control.
Though women are less likely to perpetrate sexual coercion or rape, it’s crucial to recognize that these incidents, while less common, can have devastating effects on the victims involved.
Recently, I received inquiries regarding the relationship between borderline personality disorder in women and sociopathy/psychopathy. My response is to refer to the list of antisocial behaviors above. If a woman diagnosed with borderline personality disorder exhibits pervasive antisocial behaviors, she may also be considered a sociopath or psychopath.
I was fortunate to speak with an individual, whom I’ll refer to as Alex, who has extensively studied antisocial behavior in women. Through personal experiences, education, and professional involvement, Alex has become an expert in this area. His blog, What Happens When Mom is the Abuser? details his harrowing childhood experiences with a mother who was both a psychopath and malignant narcissist.
Alex’s story highlights the complexities of growing up with such a mother. Despite his traumatic past, he does not generalize that “all women are terrible.” Instead, he demonstrates resilience and has made positive choices, becoming a productive member of society, a dedicated husband, and a loving father. He is a true example of a victor, not a victim.
I receive numerous messages from individuals, predominantly women, who feel trapped in their situations. I strive to motivate them to break free from their inertia. Many women hold onto the belief that “all men are jerks,” which can hinder their progress toward recovery.
If you find yourself stuck, consider the example of someone like Alex, who was raised by an antisocial, psychopathic mother but still understands that love is the foundation of a meaningful life. Overcoming victimhood to become a victor requires effort and a conscious choice to work on oneself.
Don’t wait for external circumstances, such as legal settlements or custody battles, to dictate your journey. Start today; seek therapy if necessary, and set achievable daily and long-term goals. A year from now, you’ll reflect on whether you’ve made progress, and that choice is entirely yours.
For further reading on this topic, check out this insightful article about psychopathic relationships. Additionally, resources like Out of the Fog provide essential guidance on handling antisocial behavior and its impacts.
Lastly, for a deeper understanding of why psychopathy can be so alluring, consider reading this engaging Business Insider article.
If you have any questions or need support, feel free to contact Chanci Idell Turner at 909-737-2855.