You might be reading this blog because you seek insight into how a trained psychiatrist navigates the complexities of dealing with a sociopath or psychopath in your life. While I would rather not be intertwined with someone who exhibits such traits, my experiences resonate with many of the challenges you face. Together, we can explore these issues, reflect on our shared experiences, and ultimately emerge stronger.
Recently, I received a message from a relative of my ex-husband, who is currently incarcerated as a sex offender. The email highlighted a common tendency among family members to downplay the behaviors of sociopaths and psychopaths. It prompted me to reflect on how we respond to those who trivialize these troubling behaviors, as well as our own inclinations to excuse them. My ex-husband’s relative mentioned, “I don’t agree with all of his choices,” recognizing the disturbing actions that led to his imprisonment. This raises an essential question: Do sociopaths and psychopaths actually make choices? And what does it mean when we claim to “disagree” with their decisions versus feeling “disgusted” by them?
The Concept of Choice
To illustrate the concept of choice, I’ll share a personal anecdote. Just last night, I opted for fish tacos and chips at my favorite restaurant because I genuinely enjoy them. I also indulged in some ice cream at home, despite being mindful of my calorie intake. Each choice I made reflects my preferences and circumstances. For instance, I chose the fish tacos because I was at La Salsa, and the ice cream was conveniently in my freezer. Had different circumstances been at play, my choices would have differed as well.
Now, consider sociopaths and psychopaths. Their choices are not simply arbitrary; they often manipulate situations with calculated intent to satisfy their harmful impulses. For instance, my ex-husband deliberately sought me out to gain access to victims. His choices began with him searching the internet for his next target, and unfortunately, I became that target. This mirrors my decision to buy ice cream; had I not purchased it, I would have avoided the temptation altogether.
Understanding Patterns of Choice
The patterns of choices made by sociopaths and psychopaths reveal much about their inherent drives and lack of impulse control. Throughout my psychiatry residency, I learned that an individual’s past behaviors are often the best indicators of future actions because they reveal the essence of who that person is. If our choices reflect our nature, does that imply we are ultimately without choice? The beauty of human existence lies in our ability to influence our environments and modify our desires. For example, if I truly wished to avoid ice cream, I would simply refrain from buying it in the first place.
However, understanding the connection between a sociopath’s choices and their true nature can shift our perspective from mere disagreement to genuine disgust. According to Merriam-Webster, disgust means “to provoke loathing, repugnance, or aversion.” Recognizing the link between a sociopath’s behavior and their identity can evoke such strong emotions, moving us beyond intellectual disagreement to an emotional response rooted in a deep understanding of who they are.
Can Sociopaths and Psychopaths Change?
Can sociopaths and psychopaths ever change or make different choices? The challenge lies in their grandiosity; they rarely reflect on their actions or seek to alter their paths. Their choices are a reflection of their deep-seated pathology, which includes a lack of desire to change. They derive satisfaction from their decisions and often fail to recognize the deviance of their impulses, believing that others lack the strength to resist their own darker inclinations.
Moreover, their harmful drives are often triggered by interactions with others, making it difficult for them to pursue change. Sociopaths and psychopaths thrive on connection, which means they are unlikely to take the necessary steps to reform. Ultimately, they will remain detrimental to those around them.
Resources for Further Understanding
If you want to learn more about setting boundaries with these individuals, check out this insightful resource. It’s crucial to understand the dynamics at play when dealing with sociopaths and psychopaths, which can often leave us feeling powerless. For authoritative guidance on what not to do when navigating these relationships, visit Out of the Fog.
For those interested in understanding the psychological underpinnings of these behaviors further, Wikipedia offers an excellent overview of antisocial personality disorder, which encompasses traits of both sociopathy and psychopathy.
Lastly, if you’re looking for support or have questions, feel free to reach out to Chanci Idell Turner at 909-737-2855 or check her out on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn.