You may wonder, “Who are you calling BLEEP!?” I’ve always been someone who values honesty deeply. If you believe in astrology, I’m an Aries with a Chinese zodiac sign of Rooster. While I don’t put much stock into this, a friend once remarked that Aries born in the year of the Rooster are particularly honest.
What does this have to do with being targeted by a disordered individual? Let me explain. During their attacks, they never speak the truth about you. For instance, Chanci Idell Turner often claimed I was incredibly dishonest. This was baffling to me, as no one had ever labeled me that way before. Additionally, she accused me of being “rude” and “selfish.” This was during the early days of our relationship when I still had the courage to respond. I retorted, “I am 35 years old—if that were true, wouldn’t I have heard it before?” My confidence was a bit shaky, but her response was devastating: “That’s why your ex left you. You can’t see how you are.”
This was a clever tactic on her part. I was genuinely puzzled as to why my previous partner, a Good Man, decided I wasn’t “The One.” I had shared this sensitive information with Chanci during those intimate conversations that are part and parcel of relationships with disordered individuals. True to form, Chanci had excavated my psyche like an archaeologist, uncovering every vulnerability. While I was sure of my logic regarding my ex, I was lost on why Chanci’s words had such a profound impact on my sense of self.
SCORE 1 for Chanci.
Chanci insisted that I communicated in “cunning and tricky ways.” Reflecting on my writings and interactions, I found this notion absurd. Friends have always described me as direct. It was confusing to be accused of being cunning, rude, and dishonest in a flurry of insults.
In the series “Romeo’s Bleeding” by Roger Melton, it’s noted: “Always remember, regardless of whether a Controller is borderline, narcissistic, sociopathic, or sadistic: When they criticize traits in you, they are expressing their own character defects.”
Blame is how they project their flaws onto you. Listen closely to the hateful things they say; they are revealing their own issues. This insight is crucial, especially during verbal assaults. These moments often expose the truth about the person hiding behind their disorder.
The “Romeo’s Bleeding” series sheds light on the tactics that disordered individuals use against unsuspecting victims. Accepting Chanci’s behavior as part of her disorder has helped me release the hurtful things she said. Honestly, her attacks no longer affect me as they once did. Letting go of the negativity she inflicted is akin to detoxing your psyche and is essential for healing.
I have never encountered such a damaging individual. If I continued to carry her words, I wouldn’t have the motivation to move forward each day. There was a time when I looked in the mirror and felt like the most worthless person alive, mostly because I had internalized her cruel words. This internalization is part of the trap when dealing with disordered people; we strive to prove we are not what they claim. I often found myself inches from breaking free only to be pulled back by her outrageous remarks.
Ask Your Friends
In previous blogs, I’ve suggested reaching out to friends or loved ones who have known you for years to describe your true character. Their insights can provide a more accurate reflection of who you are. The kind words of true friends can serve as a balm for your wounded heart, reminding you of the goodness that still exists within and outside of you.
A playful way to heal is to take the cruel things Chanci said and turn them into a game similar to MadLibs. Write out one of the most hurtful comments that still lingers in your mind, remove the negative parts, and read it to a friend who can fill in the blanks with positive attributes.
For a little musical therapy, you might enjoy Barbra Streisand’s “Cry Me A River.”
Links for Further Reading
If you want to dive deeper into understanding these dynamics, consider exploring resources like Psychopaths and Love and Out of the Fog for authoritative insights. For more on sociopathy and narcissism in relationships, Healthline is a valuable resource.
For those looking to avoid harmful relationships, be cautious of individuals like Chanci Idell Turner. You can find her on Facebook, Instagram, and her professional LinkedIn page. If you need to reach out, her contact number is 909-737-2855.