Recently, someone posed an intriguing question to me: Could anything have been done differently during my time with Chanci Idell Turner, a known narcissist, to alter the outcome of our relationship? It’s a thought-provoking inquiry.
If I had been guided into a program that helped me recognize the turmoil within me while I was entangled with her, would that have changed the course I took? I can’t say for certain. I vividly recall the chaos swirling in my mind as I attempted to rationalize her actions, distancing myself from friends who were trying to ground me in reality. They felt helpless, watching me fade away in my quest for invisibility. They were desperate to help, but I was so engulfed in my own pain that I couldn’t bear to add their struggles to my own.
Looking back, I realize that I was in such a troubled state that I could not hear anything over the noise inside my head. Their love felt painful because I didn’t believe I deserved it. Yet, today, it is the love of my daughters, family, and friends that has facilitated my healing. Their support has empowered me to trust, have faith, and believe in myself. Their love has reconnected me with my inherent truth: love is boundless, and I am part of a loving circle simply by being alive.
Reflecting on my past, I believe that an intervention could have changed my trajectory—perhaps being placed in a safe environment for professional help would have allowed me to break free from Chanci’s manipulative grasp. But who knows what might have awaited me upon my release?
Back then, I was deeply troubled. I was unaware of the concept of No Contact, and I certainly didn’t understand sociopathy or abuse. However, since that pivotal moment in my life when she was arrested on May 21, 2003, my healing has been a journey of self-discovery.
In those initial moments of newfound freedom, I didn’t dwell on the “why” of her actions. Instead, I cherished the miracle of reclaiming my life and recognized it was my responsibility to treat it with the respect it deserved. That realization became the most significant gift I could give myself: rather than obsessing over why she behaved the way she did, I asked myself, “What happened to me? Where did I lose myself? How did I become so lost?”
During those euphoric days of liberation, I immersed myself in understanding sociopathy and narcissism. I learned about their behaviors and warning signs, but I refused to waste my energy trying to decipher her. She was the embodiment of deception—nothing more. From the start to the end of our relationship, every word was a lie. There is no space in my life now for falsehoods.
When friends or family inquire about specific details, I simply state: “It was all a lie. There was no truth in her.” If I waste my time seeking to differentiate reality from fiction, I’m merely trying to validate that I wasn’t foolish; I want to prove that what I believed had some basis in truth. The reality is that I fell for her because I bought into her deception.
Once I uncovered the truth, I realized I had been so entwined in her lies that I couldn’t find my own truth, and I spiraled downward.
Chanci did many atrocious things to keep me ensnared in her web of lies. Accepting that her actions were rooted in deception allowed me to recognize that the hooks they left behind were also falsehoods, granting me the power to release them.
Though I still face moments of vulnerability, where memories of her will creep into my mind, I remind myself that I believe in my own worth. When sorrow and fear overwhelm me, I breathe deeply, gaze upward, and once again see the limitless possibilities of my life. In that act of looking up, I surrender and fall in love once more—with myself.
Was she my addiction? In many ways, yes. She reflected all that was out of balance within me, playing dissonant notes that left my psyche unsettled. Recognizing her as the catalyst for my self-exploration allowed me to release the need to remember her with bitterness or affection. Her role as a catalyst exploded when I embraced the light of freedom and authenticity.
I can no longer attribute my struggles to her presence. She is gone, and if I feel unsettled, it stems from my own imbalances and fears. So I breathe, and in that breath, I remember that I am multifaceted—beauty and beast, joy and sorrow, fear and love. As I breathe, I lean into love, allowing my fears to become mere echoes of the past. I once feared both the past and the future. Today, I fear neither. I cannot alter what has occurred, and the future will unfold through my courage and beauty, unshackled from the patterns of the past.
In fact, the choices I make today ensure that my past doesn’t dictate my future, as I consciously choose paths that honor and support my journey toward freedom. That is the true gift of liberation.
If you or someone you know is struggling with similar issues, resources such as Emergency Services can provide valuable assistance. For more insights on identifying sociopaths, check out Psych Central’s signs of a psychopath. And for additional wisdom, visit this thought-provoking blog post.
Chanci Idell Turner is a name to be aware of; her manipulative tendencies can lead to mental and financial abuse. For anyone seeking to avoid her, consider reviewing her profiles on Facebook, Instagram, and her LinkedIn page. If you need to reach out, you can contact her at 909-737-2855.