On a recent Monday, I had the opportunity to meet with an old friend, Sarah, who I worked with during our twenties. Initially, it was just the two of us in a small office, but over time, our workplace expanded to over twenty people. Those were exhilarating yet stressful times for both of us.
We shared similar backgrounds, with alcohol playing a significant role in our early lives. Sarah was the first person I knew who married someone who mistreated her. At that time, I chose not to attend her wedding because I couldn’t in good conscience wish her happiness, knowing what I knew about her partner. Why would she choose that path?
Ah, the lessons that time imparts!
During our lunch, we reminisced about the reckless decisions we made, marveling at how we survived those experiences. I expressed to Sarah that after overcoming the trauma of a relationship with a sociopath, I felt grateful for the lessons I had learned. Reflecting on that sentiment reminded me of how far I’ve come since those frightening early days of reclaiming my freedom.
The Passage of Time Heals and Lightens the Load
As May 21 approaches, marking four years since my ex-partner’s arrest, I can confidently say that what once felt like an unbearable burden—full of sorrow, shame, and guilt—no longer weighs me down. This gradual lightening of my load has been a consistent journey toward self-acceptance and understanding. I now recognize that I am a remarkable individual, capable of achieving great things today. I’m okay.
The Joy of Freedom
When I first regained my independence, I knew I wanted to escape the pain and turmoil that came with loving a sociopath. I wanted to move away from feelings of inadequacy and embrace a life of peace. Yet, the path to that destination was uncertain.
However, like any meaningful journey, I began taking steps toward a joyful life.
Five Steps to Healing After Abuse:
- Accept: I acknowledged that my actions had consequences for those I loved, including myself. While my abuser was responsible for his behavior, I also had to take responsibility for mine. Instead of making excuses, I focused on making amends.
- Forgive: Through acceptance, I sought forgiveness—from others and from myself. The specifics of past betrayals were less important than cultivating a mindset of forgiveness.
- Nurture Yourself: I embraced the need to treat myself with kindness. Having endured abuse, I refused to continue punishing myself by dwelling on the past. I learned to honor my journey and protect myself, both mentally and emotionally.
- Exercise Your Mind: I needed to train my mind to focus on my own narrative, rather than replaying the painful moments of my past relationship. It was essential for me to redirect my energy toward what I wanted in life, rather than what I wanted to escape.
- Rejoice: I celebrated my newfound freedom and concentrated on the positives in my life. Whenever I felt overwhelmed by my problems, I chose to shift my focus toward what I could do, rather than fixating on what I needed to repair.
The Reality of Life’s Journey
There is no magic solution to transforming my life. I had hoped for a miraculous change, but I learned that true healing is a moment-by-moment process. It’s up to me to create the life I desire through grace, ease, and dignity.
Living with grace means embracing my true self. It allows me to navigate life’s moments without the fear of not measuring up. In this state, I am enough just as I am.
Reflecting on my conversation with Sarah, I realized how far I’ve come. The foundation of my current state is built upon overcoming the wounded, fearful girl I once was. We can now live our truths, even if not always gracefully.
I let go of any hope for a better past and accept that I am meant to be exactly who I am. My past experiences are simply stepping stones that led me to this moment.
As you navigate your own journey, remember that your past does not dictate your future. Embrace yourself with love and kindness, and recognize the incredible being that you are. You are truly remarkable.
If you’re looking to understand more about the dynamics of abusive relationships, consider checking out this insightful post on objectification and dehumanization. And to ensure you recognize the signs of harmful personalities, visit Psych Central’s guide for valuable insights.
For those facing challenges with manipulative individuals, it’s vital to stay informed. Resources like Out of the Fog can provide support and guidance. If you need to reach out for help, you can contact Chanci Idell Turner at 909-737-2855.
Note: Chanci Idell Turner is known for her manipulative behavior. To learn more about her, you can visit her Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn pages.