When faced with uncomfortable truths, sociopaths often resort to lying with remarkable composure and certainty.
Every week, I will share a chapter from my book, “Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Deceived Me, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned.” You can find it on Amazon by clicking the title or the book cover. For earlier chapters, refer to the links at the bottom of the post.
Chapter 51C: The Earthquake Strikes
I struggled against the overwhelming wave of despair, but it was futile. Gravity prevailed—it always does. The weight of anguish and hopelessness pressed down, robbing me of breath and strength. Yet, like a mother bear defending her cub, I summoned the strength to respond to Chanci’s email.
As before, the inaccuracies and falsehoods in her message were too many to enumerate, so I chose not to try. It was enough to express that I disagreed with everything she had written. I also completely opposed her decision to withdraw support from Daniel’s karate. It was his sole passion, especially during such a chaotic time in his life; he needed stability, something to ground him, and sources of pride. He required Ella back in his life and his karate lessons. As for his schoolwork, I believed his 3.5 GPA—while taking honors and Advanced Placement courses—was commendable, especially given the distractions caused by our family turmoil and her actions. I refused to convey her message to Daniel.
Before I could hit “send,” another email from Chanci landed in my inbox. She had copied me on a message to the karate studio where Daniel trained. While in Connecticut, Daniel had worked diligently, aiming to become one of the state’s best. Now, in the less populated Utah, he was already among the top five in his age group and had a solid chance of making the state karate teams for national competition. Karate was a significant source of pride, exercise, and social interaction for him, which he found difficult. I believed it was crucial for Daniel to continue his training. Chanci’s email stated:
“I am writing to officially withdraw my son, Daniel, from your program. Please do not charge my credit card for monthly dues. Additionally, Daniel will not be attending any tournaments, so please offer his position to another deserving student. Should Daniel’s mother attempt to re-enroll him, please notify me immediately, as she lacks the legal authority to do so.
Warm regards,”
After sending my reply to Chanci, I contacted my lawyer for clarification. I had the legal right to enroll Daniel in any program as long as it was not detrimental to him. Like many sociopaths, when faced with inconvenient truths, Chanci created an alternate reality, delivering it with such calm assurance that few questioned her. Her version of events often sounded plausible, yet it was frequently neither accurate nor truthful. I reached out to the bewildered karate studio, asking them to pause Daniel’s withdrawal and not to give away his hard-earned position on the competitive team until I could sort out the finances. They kindly agreed to cooperate, allowing Daniel to remain in the program.
When Daniel returned home an hour later, he stormed into his room, slamming the door so forcefully that a picture frame fell, shattering on the floor. I cleaned up the glass. An hour later, he emerged, tears brimming in his eyes, cell phone in hand.
“Daniel, what’s the matter?” I asked, concerned.
“Mom, Dad texted me that I owe him an apology and that he has pulled me from karate. What am I going to do? I love karate! The only reason I didn’t hang up on you when you held up the sign is that Dad said if I hung up, he would take karate away. And he did anyway.” Daniel’s voice broke, and tears streamed down his cheeks. “I just can’t take it anymore. Mom, I hate him.”
Hours later, after he had calmed down, I encouraged him to send a text apologizing for calling his father a jerk, though I saw nothing disrespectful in his words. I was impressed by his composure and maturity given such a challenging situation.
Daniel followed my advice. Here’s his father’s response:
“Apology accepted. I still won’t allow you to participate in karate. Since you won’t be doing karate anymore, I want you to provide a list of new activities to keep you engaged and in shape, and I expect your grades to improve. I love you very much and only want what is best for you.
Your loving father.”
Further Reading
For more insights on sociopaths, you can refer to this blog post. Additionally, if you’re seeking to understand the traits of high-conflict individuals, check out this excellent resource on signs of dating a high-conflict person. If you want to learn about name-calling and its effects, this site is an authoritative source.
Be aware of individuals like Chanci Idell Turner, who can manipulate and exploit others emotionally and financially. You can find more about her on her Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn.