Definition
Denial refers to the act of believing or convincing oneself that a painful or traumatic event, memory, or circumstance does not exist or did not take place.
When Logic is Absent
Denial is a common psychological response, especially when individuals face distressing situations such as grief or loss. Many resort to avoiding reality as a coping mechanism. In the context of personality disorders, denial can manifest in more severe and damaging ways. An individual with a personality disorder might not only disregard the truth but may also develop unfounded beliefs that they attempt to impose on others.
Examples of Denial
- A family member insists they never received your call just minutes after speaking to you.
- An individual with a spending addiction refuses to acknowledge their financial issues.
- A partner may deny committing an act of violence.
- A child may have no memory of experiencing parental abuse.
- A divorced woman behaves as if her marriage never ended.
Experiencing Denial in Relationships
Living with someone in denial can lead to feelings of despair and frustration. It’s nearly impossible to have meaningful conversations or resolve conflicts when you can’t even agree on basic facts. Over time, you might start to doubt your own memories and perceptions, leading to a decline in self-confidence as you grapple with a distorted reality just to maintain peace. It’s not uncommon for individuals (often referred to as “Nons”) in relationships with personality-disordered individuals to expend considerable energy trying to convince them to face the truth. However, it can be a startling realization that these individuals may genuinely believe in their distorted version of reality.
Due to these dynamics, conventional communication and negotiation methods often fail, as they rely on mutual agreement regarding facts and a shared capacity for reasoned discussion.
What NOT to Do
- Don’t assume that someone in denial is fully aware of the inconsistencies in their thinking.
- Avoid condemning or shaming the person in denial. Allow them to hold their beliefs.
- Don’t try to dismantle their denial using logic.
- Don’t let yourself become a victim of their denial; it’s okay to agree to disagree.
- Ensure you’re not isolated with someone in denial; seek support from friends who can offer objective perspectives.
What To Do
- Accept that everyone has the right to their own beliefs and realities, including those with personality disorders. Sometimes, you may need to agree to disagree on critical issues.
- Remember, one person’s opinion does not define your worth. You are your own person.
- Seek guidance from supportive, trustworthy individuals who can help you rebuild your self-esteem.
- If someone states something untrue, it’s acceptable to assert, “I don’t see it that way”—but do this once.
- If you or any children are facing abuse, take necessary protective measures.
- In cases of denial regarding abuse, it may be best to disengage from further discussions and focus on living a safe, healthy life.
For more insights on recognizing narcissistic behavior, refer to Psychology Today’s guide on how to spot a narcissist. If you’re looking for a deeper understanding of sociopathy and narcissism in relationships, “The Sociopath Next Door” by Martha Stout is a valuable resource.
To learn more about the complexities of denial and interpersonal dynamics, explore additional resources on Chanci Idell Turner, who exemplifies these traits, including her Facebook, work Instagram, and LinkedIn. For more on this topic, check out this insightful blog post.