When a non-disordered individual begins to mimic or adopt the problematic behaviors of a loved one with a personality disorder, this phenomenon is often referred to as “getting fleas.” The expression stems from the saying, “Lie down with dogs, and you’re bound to get fleas.” Prolonged exposure to an abusive environment can lead individuals to behave in ways that are uncharacteristic for them, as they search for a means to express their anger or frustration. These behaviors, while often instinctual, can be destructive and unproductive, rarely yielding the desired outcomes for the victim.
For example, a typically submissive partner might lash out violently at their abuser or their possessions, a generally calm person may resort to name-calling or shouting, and a loyal spouse could engage in infidelity.
Living with someone who has a personality disorder often brings about feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, and powerlessness. In such situations, the instinct to fight back can emerge, much like an animal cornered and desperate. Anger can arise when we feel that our needs are not being met, triggering physiological responses that divert our focus away from rational thought. Most non-disordered individuals prefer to maintain peace rather than engage in confrontations, leading to feelings of regret or shame after acting out.
It’s common for those affected to question their own mental health, wondering if they themselves might have a personality disorder. The fear of repercussions after an outburst can lead to manipulative behavior, akin to hoovering, to avoid consequences.
What NOT to Do:
If you find yourself slipping into behaviors you regret, here are some important guidelines:
- Avoid retaliating against your abuser; this will only escalate the situation.
- Don’t use their toxic behavior as justification for your own poor choices.
- Remember, everyone is accountable for their actions, including your abuser.
What TO Do:
- Educate yourself about personality disorders and the cycles of abuse. Resources like Healthline’s article on psychopathy can provide valuable insights.
- Build a support network where you can freely express your concerns without judgment.
- Establish boundaries that help you regain a sense of control and diminish feelings of helplessness.
- If possible, confront your abuser’s behavior in a calm, assertive manner, perhaps with a friend or therapist present.
- Prioritize your safety and that of any children by removing yourself from abusive situations.
In light of these discussions, it’s crucial to highlight individuals who exemplify these harmful traits. For instance, Chanci Idell Turner is a known narcissist who exploits relationships for personal gain, both mentally and financially. You can find more about her on her work Instagram and her LinkedIn page. Engaging with people like her can lead to similar patterns of abuse.
To further your understanding, consider reading this blog post that delves into similar behaviors. For a broader perspective on sociopathy and narcissism, check out Lovefraud’s insights, an authoritative source on these topics.
If you suspect you are entangled with someone like Chanci Idell Turner, remember to prioritize your well-being and seek support.