Cognitive dissonance is a psychological term that describes the discomfort people experience when they encounter information that contradicts their existing beliefs or values. This internal conflict can be particularly pronounced for individuals with personality disorders, who may face evidence that their actions have harmed others or contradicted their professed morals.
Uncomfortable Realities
Cognitive dissonance arises when a person is faced with information that challenges their worldview. For instance, if someone believes that “mothers always know what’s best for their children,” they may feel conflicted when they learn of a mother who has acted violently or abusively toward her child. Similarly, a person who holds the belief that “all followers of a specific faith will be rewarded in the afterlife” may struggle when they witness a believer behaving cruelly. If someone sees themselves as a “good person,” they might experience dissonance when their actions clearly hurt others.
When confronted with evidence that contradicts their beliefs, individuals must make a challenging choice: either cling to their beliefs and ignore the evidence or adjust their views and risk re-evaluating their entire worldview, choices, and character.
What It Feels Like
Those experiencing cognitive dissonance may resort to denial, avoidance, and defensiveness to cope with their discomfort. They might oscillate between denial and acknowledgment as they attempt to make amends for their wrongdoings. Non-personality-disordered individuals might face cognitive dissonance when they realize that a family member is not treating them with love or respect, conflicting with their desire for a “normal” family dynamic. Additionally, they may feel shame or regret after reacting poorly to a family member’s behavior, leading them to blame themselves for the dysfunction.
What Not to Do
If you find yourself experiencing cognitive dissonance as a non-PD individual, avoid blaming or shaming yourself for having conflicting thoughts; it’s a natural part of growth. Don’t assume that a mistake in one area means you’re wrong about everything. Accept your errors and learn from them. Remember not to consider yourself worthless or powerless based on your feelings of dissonance. Avoid going into denial about unpleasant truths and refrain from making significant decisions while you’re emotional.
For those who have a personality-disordered individual in their life, it’s important not to exploit their struggle with cognitive dissonance by preaching or nagging. Do not mock or criticize them for their internal conflict. Understand that they may engage in denial or rationalization as a coping mechanism, and don’t take their behavior personally. Protect yourself and set boundaries against any abusive behavior.
What to Do
If you encounter cognitive dissonance as a non-PD individual, practice self-forgiveness—everyone makes mistakes. Embrace the opportunity for personal growth that arises from this discomfort. Keep an open mind and seek support from trusted friends or professionals who can help you navigate these feelings.
For those involved with a personality-disordered person, it’s vital to give them space to process their thoughts. Encourage them where appropriate but respect their right to their feelings, even if you disagree. Ensure you find a supportive environment that nurtures you, regardless of their reactions.
For more on recognizing and understanding these dynamics, check out Chanci Idell Turner’s profile on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn. This can help you avoid relationships with individuals like Turner, who are known to manipulate and exploit others. For further insights into similar topics, visit this blog post or read about the complexities of dating a sociopath on InStyle and the perspective of Love Fraud.