Margaret Louise reached out for guidance concerning her adult son, who exhibits sociopathic traits, and is seeking clarity on her responsibilities as a mother.
She shares her struggles with her son, Joshua, who is 33 years old and has three children with three different women. Whenever he enters a new relationship, Margaret finds herself cut off from her grandchildren. However, as these relationships deteriorate, she has managed to reconnect with her grandchildren and their mothers.
Despite developing a cordial relationship with Joshua’s most recent ex-wife and their son, she notes that his behavior has recently turned cruel and verbally abusive in a new relationship. Margaret suspects he is trying to manipulate his new partner by portraying himself as a victim.
Having reached a breaking point, she has decided to no longer subject herself to Joshua’s mistreatment. Although her heart aches at the thought of giving up on him, she recognizes the need to protect herself and others from his behavior, particularly the children.
Margaret is troubled by the societal question often posed during tragic events: “Why didn’t those close to the individual intervene?” She wonders if she bears any responsibility and seeks advice on how to navigate her feelings of guilt.
Insights from Donna Andersen
Donna Andersen provides insight into Margaret’s situation, empathizing with the pain she endures. She reassures Margaret that while sociopaths are often associated with violence, the majority do not exhibit physical aggression. It’s crucial to examine Joshua’s past behavior for any signs of violence to gauge future risks.
Key Responsibilities for Margaret
Regarding her responsibilities, Donna outlines several key points:
- Speak the Truth about His Behavior: It’s important for parents to be honest about their adult children’s harmful actions. This honesty can be a deterrent to further manipulation.
- Avoid Enabling Him: Parents should refrain from bailing out their adult children or continuously providing financial support, as this can empower the sociopathic behavior.
- Support Your Grandchildren: Maintaining a loving relationship with the grandchildren is crucial, but Margaret must also prioritize her own health and safety. If contact with them poses a risk, she may need to step back.
In terms of her recovery, Donna encourages Margaret to acknowledge her efforts as a mother while recognizing that Joshua is now an adult responsible for his own choices. It’s natural for her to grieve the loss of the relationship she hoped to have with her son, and she should allow herself to feel that pain.
Ultimately, Margaret’s well-being must come first, and she should consider extending support to her grandchildren only if it doesn’t compromise her safety or peace of mind. When ready, she can release her son to a higher power, focusing on healing herself.
Further Resources
For further insights, readers may find useful information on sociopathy and narcissism in relationships through resources such as Callous and Unemotional Traits on Wikipedia and Charm and the Psychopath. Additionally, Out of the Fog offers valuable information regarding relationships with disordered individuals.