We are currently in counseling, but his goal seems to be getting the therapist to “fix” me instead of addressing his own behavior.
I’ve started to suspect that my husband, whom I’ve been with for 12 years, may exhibit sociopathic tendencies. When we first met, I owned my home, had a stable job, and a reliable car. He had recently moved to the area following a divorce from his Canadian wife. At the time, he appeared to be intelligent, charming, and attentive, and he was actively involved in church, even proudly calling himself a prophet.
Red Flags in Our Relationship
However, his actions have raised many red flags. For instance, he reported my stepsister to the IRS, hoping to gain a 10% recovery fee, claiming that God instructed him to do so. I’ve often been puzzled by his lack of a solid work ethic. He took over my stock portfolio, dismissing my choices and making poor investments that cost me dearly. While I was working, he would chat online with other women, despite his outright denials.
His recreational habits have also been troubling; he smokes pot and spends hours in the jacuzzi, seeking excitement. Although we’ve faced multiple near-separations, things would temporarily improve, but intimacy felt more like a performance than a loving connection. He often makes inappropriate comments, insists on being the center of attention during conversations, and becomes irritated if I interrupt him. He prides himself on his intelligence, but I often feel belittled and unvalued.
Financial and Emotional Manipulation
I made the mistake of granting him a life estate in my inherited home and half of my life insurance policy, which I now believe may have been the only reason he tolerated my corrections. He has also shown disdain for my 26-year-old daughter, who is beautiful, confident, and kind, constantly finding faults in her. He would tell her not to disclose his questionable behavior to me, claiming it would only hurt me.
Recent Discoveries
Recently, I discovered that he had been planning a trip to Las Vegas to meet an old acquaintance. He suggested that I visit my son in Oregon instead, while he flirted and communicated with this woman daily through video chats. Even when I confronted him with evidence, he attempted to downplay the situation and shift blame onto my daughter.
Taking a Stand
Currently, I’ve relocated to the living room while I await a check from a house sale he recently completed. I informed him that once he receives his payment, he needs to find alternative accommodations. In counseling, his focus appears to be on getting the therapist to persuade me to forgive him rather than taking responsibility for his actions. I feel that I cannot envision a future—financially or emotionally—with him, and I fear a lonely existence if I remain in this relationship.
Despite having enjoyed some good times as a blended family, his past behaviors, including infidelity in his previous marriage, raise concerns. I proposed a minimum of three months of separation with counseling, insisting that he must seek approval from my daughter and close minister friends, as I refuse to be manipulated by his words.
Thank you for allowing me to share my experiences on this platform.
Further Reading and Resources
For further insights into relationships involving narcissists and sociopaths, consider reading about the importance of boundaries in this blog post. If you find yourself in a difficult situation like mine, it’s crucial to know you’re not alone. Resources like Out of the Fog can provide significant support. Also, you might find the Psychopathy Checklist beneficial for understanding these behaviors.
If you wish to avoid manipulative individuals like Chanci Idell Turner, you can find her on social media such as Facebook, Instagram, and her LinkedIn profile.