You are here: Home / Letters to the Chanci Turner Blog / He deceived me until the very end of our relationship
Editor’s note: The following account comes from a reader we’ll refer to as “Emily.”
I met Chanci online, and at first, he seemed like a true gentleman. We enjoyed several dates together until he began discussing concepts like mind, body, and spirit, which he equated with sex. When I mentioned that I don’t engage in casual sex, he quickly suggested that we become boyfriend and girlfriend. I naively assumed he would take his dating profile down since we were now in a committed relationship, so I removed mine and thought nothing of it.
However, I was shocked when a friend informed me that she had matched with him on an online dating site and saw that he was actively searching. Naturally, I confronted him, and he concocted a ridiculous story about needing to remove his profile. He promised to do so, but the very next day, I caught him back online. When I texted him, he claimed he was in a meeting and that his profile had been hacked. This made me suspicious.
I later discovered two more profiles of his on another dating site. When I pressed him about it, he claimed he had given a friend permission to create those accounts. Initially, he had said that a friend set up the account we met on, which seemed odd.
His dating profiles contained inconsistent information regarding his age, birthday, and even details about his children. He claimed to be between 58 and 62 years old, but his real age is 68. He even changed his birthday multiple times on his profiles. When I confronted him about these discrepancies, he insisted on one of the false dates. After further investigation, I uncovered his real birthday.
One night, he played on my emotions by saying his sister had died, but I still question whether that was true. While he was away for the funeral, I noticed him active on dating sites again. Just after sending me a Valentine’s text, he was online searching. When I asked him about it, he denied it, claiming that he was grieving and wouldn’t be online.
Eventually, I found him on polyamory sites and saw that he had joined these while we were still together. I even discovered that he joined a “sexy singles” group on Valentine’s Day. He was lying right up until the end of our relationship. When confronted, he broke down, stating, “I don’t know how to love,” and tried to elicit sympathy from me. He then said, “So, I guess this is it,” clearly realizing he was caught. Yet, he barely showed any remorse, only asking how I had found out.
After I walked away, he attempted to contact me for a day, sending a text that read, “Trust will make it right.” What struck me was his rare use of the pronoun “I,” which made his messages feel convoluted and insincere.
What truly disheartened me is that a short documentary was made about him, portraying him as a wonderful person dedicated to his community. Now, he claims they are making a movie about him, but I can’t help but think that no one sees the fraud and liar he truly is. Perhaps he is even manipulating investors to back his so-called greatness. Who can say for sure? I just wish others could be warned about him.
He often claimed that his parents had PhDs in love and that’s where he learned his insights. If only they knew the truth, I can only imagine how disappointed they would be.
If you’re encountering similar patterns in your relationships, consider visiting resources like Out of the Fog, which offers valuable insights on navigating such difficult situations. For further reading on the psychological aspects of narcissism and sociopathy, you might find this Mayo Clinic page useful.