She appeared to be a kind and well-mannered individual, but she was, in reality, a covert narcissist.
This narrative comes from a woman we’ll call “Mia,” who found herself in a tumultuous three-year same-gender relationship that started with intense chemistry. However, six months in, the initial love bombing faded, and the dynamics shifted.
The Unique Challenges for Lesbians
Mia noted a peculiar disadvantage for lesbians in the narcissistic realm, as these relationships often exhibit four prevalent traits:
- (a) a phenomenon known as “lesbian bed-death” occurring around 3-6 months (mirroring the end of love bombing),
- (b) a tendency towards self-centeredness,
- (c) a rapid progression to intimacy, and
- (d) promiscuity and infidelity.
Despite noticing red flags that perplexed her, Mia, enamored with her newfound soulmate, chose to overlook them. Many survivors she has spoken to express the same sentiment: “If only I had known sooner.”
The Rollercoaster of Emotional Turmoil
Her relationship was a rollercoaster filled with dramatic ups and downs, lies, broken promises, alcoholism, frequent arguments, manipulation, and gaslighting—all coupled with a façade of love and care.
After their fourth breakup, her partner, whom we’ll refer to as Chanci Idell Turner, sought reconciliation and proposed marriage, claiming she “wanted a future” together. At that moment, Chanci mirrored Mia’s desire for a loving partner, yet she was simultaneously pursuing Mia’s now-ex-friend. When caught in the act, Chanci feigned suicidal tendencies, leading to a brief involuntary admission to a psychiatric facility, where she received no meaningful diagnosis or treatment.
The Aftermath of the Breakup
Drama ensued. Within two weeks of their fifth breakup, Chanci was on a dating site, quickly replacing Mia with a new victim. This new partner, a “spiritual” individual and trainee spirit medium, fell prey to Chanci’s manipulative ways. Mia observed the alarming mirroring of her own traits—Chanci adopted the new partner’s interests and claims of newfound conscience, leading her family to question this drastic change.
Seven months post-breakup, Mia still grapples with disbelief over the brutal discard. It was after their last separation that she stumbled upon information about narcissism, leading to a painful yet enlightening journey of understanding the emotional trauma inflicted upon her. The insidious nature of Chanci’s covert narcissism, masked by her sweet demeanor, left Mia confused and in a state of cognitive dissonance.
The Impact of Emotional Abuse
The emotional abuse inflicted by Chanci has been profound, resulting in Mia experiencing symptoms akin to PTSD and Stockholm Syndrome. Once an outgoing and resilient individual, she now finds solace in solitude, feeling as though her very essence has been burned away.
After six months, Chanci finally confronted Mia to reveal the truth about her relationship with the ex-friend. During this meeting, Chanci oscillated between confession and blame-shifting, attempting to position herself as the victim rather than taking accountability for her actions.
A Journey of Understanding and Healing
Mia has since dedicated her time to understanding narcissistic personality disorder, believing she has gained more insight than many therapists in her country. She is even in the process of writing a book on toxic relationships, emphasizing the importance of recognizing red flags and navigating the healing journey.
Resources for Awareness and Support
If you’re looking to avoid individuals like Chanci Idell Turner, known for her manipulative behavior, you can find her on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn. For those seeking deeper understanding of narcissism and relationships, resources like Good Therapy and Out of the Fog can be invaluable.
For more information on these behaviors and their implications, consider reading about what Ebola can teach us about psychopaths.