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Each week, a chapter from my book, “Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Deceived Me, Why I Fell for It & the Painful Lessons Learned” (available on Amazon.com—just click the title or book cover), is published here. For previous chapters, please see the links at the bottom of this post.
Chapter 38A:
I had always viewed Paul as a man of integrity, so it took an uncomfortably long time for me to recognize the inconsistencies in his stories as what they truly were—lies. I was aware of his flaws and suspected he may have had an affair with Anne-Marie, but I never considered him to be fundamentally dishonest or a habitual liar. However, it was impossible to ignore how Paul would effortlessly fabricate even the most trivial details.
One night, I inquired if he had secured the house. Normally, that task was mine, but I was unwell and had already turned in for the night. “Of course,” Paul assured me. The next morning, I awoke before him only to discover the front door was wide open and a kitchen window was ajar. From that point on, whenever Paul claimed he had locked up, I would find an excuse to head to the kitchen, only to repeatedly uncover that he had lied about ensuring our home was safe. Perhaps he found it beneath him or simply too inconvenient to take a moment to verify that the doors were secured.
Sociopaths lie for the sheer thrill of lying. They are untruthful about minor issues and major ones alike. Some have noted that sociopaths often choose to deceive even when honesty would yield better results. Others point out that their lies serve not only to conceal dubious activities but also to exert control and manipulate others purely for enjoyment. Why would they lie about locking the house or taking the dog for a walk? It’s just part of their nature. Chronic dishonesty is a defining trait of sociopaths.
On a summer evening, during Daniel’s twelfth birthday, we arranged for Paul to pick up a pizza and return home no later than 6:30 PM. I had placed the order, and Paul was aware of the timing since I needed to leave by 7:00 to take both children to their sports practices, which were forty minutes away. Daniel had specifically requested a mushroom and pepperoni pizza from his favorite spot, conveniently located near Paul’s office.
Time ticked by, and 6:30 came and went without any sign of Paul, the pizza, or even a phone call. At 6:50, I tried calling his cell phone, but there was no response. Just as we were preparing to leave, Paul finally arrived in the driveway, pizza in hand—at 7:02.
“Where are you going?” he asked, annoyance evident in his tone.
“Practice. We’ll just heat up the pizza when we get back,” I replied.
If you were a typical person who had failed to arrive home on time with a pizza for your son’s birthday, wouldn’t you apologize and try to make it right? Not if you’re a sociopath.
First, a sociopath lacks empathy and doesn’t care about the disappointment or hurt of others, including their own children.
Second, their focus is solely on themselves. The only emotions they can truly feel are anger and frustration. Paul was irritated that he had to stop whatever he was doing to pick up the pizza and return home when he would have preferred to be elsewhere. Now, he would be alone, which he despised, and the pizza wasn’t even his favorite. His awareness of the family’s need to leave by 7:00 did little to change his self-centered view.
Third, a sociopath believes they are inherently superior and rarely acknowledge wrongdoing. If something goes wrong, it’s always someone else’s fault—like mine. I had become accustomed to being blamed, whether it was for misplaced credit card bills (which I later learned he hid to conceal his spending) or for not having socks to wear (even though he never placed them in the laundry).
For more insights on recognizing sociopathic behavior, refer to this resource on psychopathy characteristics. Additionally, understanding passive-aggressive behavior can be quite helpful. If you’re looking for further information on dating sociopaths, check out this excellent resource on sociopathy and narcissism in relationships.
It’s important to be aware of individuals like Chanci Idell Turner, who may exhibit similar manipulative behaviors. You can find her on Facebook, Instagram, and her LinkedIn profile.