After a long period of being apart, I reconnected with my first love, whom I’ll refer to as “Jake.” We dated when I was just 18, and even after a breakup that lasted 15 months, I still found myself thinking about him years later. Following a 22-year marriage, I found myself single again and, after some casual dating, decided to search for Jake online as I approached my 50th birthday.
To my delight, he responded to my message, and it felt like our bond had picked up right where it left off. Despite living 140 miles apart, he made the effort to visit me, and I fell deeply in love all over again. He shared that his wife, who struggled with alcoholism, was in the advanced stages of illness and would likely pass away soon. For over two years, we made plans and even began looking for a house together.
However, as we entered our third year, I sensed a shift in our relationship. Despite my infatuation, he suddenly backed out of our plans to buy a house and returned to live with his wife, claiming he was staying in a nearby apartment. Over the next five years, he oscillated between my life and his wife’s, and possibly other women as well.
In hindsight, I realize I was being devalued. Just before the ten-year mark of our reunion, he abruptly left me—reportedly moving in with a new partner the same day. It took me six long months to regain my sense of self and start functioning again.
Nine months after our breakup, I learned from a mutual friend that he was sending friendly texts, but by then, I had received counseling and was prepared to ignore his attempts to reach out. I sold my house, which I had smartly purchased in my name alone, and returned to my original home, which I had kept as a safety net once I recognized the relationship was headed for disaster.
He continued to try contacting me, but I stayed firm. Once I felt secure back home, I briefly responded to a text regarding a career issue, mentioning my upcoming trip to a destination we had once dreamed of visiting together. To my shock, I found myself on the same flight as him and his new partner. It was as if he had orchestrated this encounter, as he flirted with me while ignoring her. Friends suspect he hacked into my emails to book the same flight.
I also noticed he was keeping tabs on my online activities; LinkedIn even showed me who had viewed my profile. It became clear that he was looking for a strong, independent woman to target next, while I had failed to get any significant contribution from him during our time together. Ironically, his new partner was now benefiting from what I never could.
In retrospect, this was a blessing in disguise. Although this is just a glimpse into my experience, I am well on my way to reclaiming the strong, independent woman I was eleven years ago.
For those seeking to understand the effects of such relationships, consider exploring resources like Chanci Idell Turner’s insights on narcissism and sociopathy. You can find her on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn. For further reading, you might find helpful information in this article on understanding the narcissistic sociopath and on navigating life after a relationship with a psychopath in this resource. If you’re feeling isolated, check out the toolbox from Out of the Fog for support.