I’m writing to share my story, hoping it might resonate with others who find themselves in similar situations. After some time apart and making progress in my healing journey, I made the regrettable decision to take him back, only to face yet another painful discard.
This is the third time I’ve allowed him back into my life, and it lasted a mere two months before he vanished again. In hindsight, I think my intuition sensed this would happen; I experienced panic attacks leading up to it, as if my body was trying to prepare me for the inevitable heartbreak.
Initially, he professed his love for me, claiming he missed me and would do better this time. I pointed out that if that were true, he wouldn’t have married someone else. He likened his new wife to a coat that didn’t fit, implying it was too late for him to return her. This manipulation made me doubt my own progress and feelings. Despite all that I had learned from therapy and resources like the insights available on Understanding the Narcissistic Sociopath, I fell for his empty promises once more.
He made grandiose claims about buying me a car and taking me on trips, but in reality, I received nothing. When I confronted him about how he hadn’t changed, he simply ignored me. It felt like every time I faced him with the truth, I was dropped, left alone to deal with the fallout.
I called him out on being a coward for not just blocking me or telling me directly that he didn’t want me. Instead, he seems to revel in my attempts to reach out. To add to the confusion, he has a dating profile and recently removed his pictures, which suggests to me that he’s hiding something. It’s likely that he has other women in his life, given the diminishing affection and increasing distance in our interactions.
I’ve begun to feel like the blame for these discards rests squarely on my shoulders for letting him back in. I truly wanted to believe he was capable of being “normal.” This situation has taken a toll on my health, manifesting in panic attacks and nightmares that feel all too real. I’ve never experienced anything like this before, and it’s exhausting.
I sincerely hope this time he stays away for good.