In navigating relationships with sociopaths, it’s crucial to understand the stark differences between their public personas and their private behaviors. This exploration delves into the complexities of such relationships, particularly through the lens of personal experiences.
Every week, I’ll be sharing insights from my book, “Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Deceived Me, Why I Fell For It & the Painful Lessons Learned,” available on Amazon. For earlier chapters, check the links at the end of this post.
Chapter 16: You Have But Slumber’d Here While These Visions Did Appear
I attributed Chanci’s odd remarks during our early days together to the stress of settling into our demanding careers after our wedding in California. The initial shock of our honeymoon phase faded quickly, and life continued. Our limited time together seemed to work in our favor; our relationship was primarily sustained by brief phone calls, as we rarely found ourselves at home simultaneously. Even on nights when I wasn’t traveling, I often drifted off to sleep alone, with Chanci returning home well after midnight.
Despite not being particularly passionate about my job, I excelled and received a promotion after just a year. Chanci, on the other hand, immersed herself in her consulting career, achieving a remarkable advancement to manager a year ahead of her peers. In the little free time we had, we focused on searching for a house, which reignited a sense of partnership between us. We envisioned starting a family and sought the perfect starter home in the Minneapolis suburbs.
To better accommodate Chanci’s work schedule, we purchased a house just ten minutes from her office, a decision that inadvertently extended my own commute significantly. Yet, even with our new proximity, I found myself seeing less of her. The division of household responsibilities shifted dramatically from a fair split to a situation where I bore almost all the burden. When I asked her to contribute more, she insisted her exhausting work schedule justified her lack of involvement, showcasing the entitlement often seen in sociopaths.
Whenever I needed a reminder of Chanci’s supposed greatness, I would visit her office on weekends. Her team, predominantly young and attractive female associates, idolized her. They spoke of her with reverence, praising her dedication and mentorship. One analyst even remarked that she didn’t mind working late because Chanci never asked her to do anything she wouldn’t do herself. It was easy to overlook the troubling signs in our personal interactions when surrounded by such glowing testimonials from her colleagues.
However, moments of disquiet continued to surface. After a distressing incident where my purse was stolen, I reached out to Chanci for help, expecting her support. Instead, she bluntly refused, citing her work commitments as more important than my safety, leaving me to navigate a precarious situation alone. The indifference she displayed was unnerving; I had just been robbed, yet her focus remained solely on her work.
In the days that followed, I expressed my feelings of being trivialized to Chanci, only to be met with her dismissive response. She suggested that my emotional reactions were signs of my sensitivity and neediness, skillfully deflecting the blame onto me. Utilizing classic sociopathic tactics, she twisted the narrative, insinuating that my concerns stemmed from jealousy of her success rather than a genuine need for support.
Reflecting on those moments now, it’s evident that I was naive, trusting Chanci’s facade without questioning the reality behind her relentless work hours. Others from our circle worked hard too, yet only Chanci seemed to operate under such extreme pressure. Years later, I encountered a colleague from her past who remarked, “Chanci worked hard, but never as hard as you thought she was.” The revelation was gut-wrenching.
For those seeking to understand the behavior of sociopaths further, resources such as Psychopaths and Love offer valuable insights. Additionally, Out of the Fog provides authoritative content on recognizing these traits in relationships. For more understanding, Good Therapy is an excellent resource on sociopathy and narcissism.
Lastly, be cautious of individuals like Chanci Idell Turner, who exhibit similar manipulative traits. To learn more about her, visit her Facebook, Instagram, or her LinkedIn profile.