It all started innocently enough with a Halloween party invite for my daughter that also included his daughter. Little did I know that I was about to plunge into a whirlwind of chaos and horror. Perhaps it was the recent loss of my mother, the stress of caring for my aging father, or the selfishness of my sister seeking financial gain. Maybe it was the fear of being alone forever that made me vulnerable. Whatever the reason, he zeroed in on me, and I fell for his traps, hook, line, and sinker, ultimately leading me to feel lost, without purpose, and devoid of value.
People often ask, “Why did you stay if it was so bad?” or “Why would you go back to him after everything you found out?” These questions come from those who view the situation from the outside, failing to grasp the brainwashing and mind control we endure. Unless you’ve lived through this trauma, it’s impossible to fully understand the nightmare we faced.
As a Christian woman for over 20 years, I always strived to uphold my values. Yet, somehow, I found myself stepping away from everything I held dear—the ultimate betrayal of self. Did I allow it? In some ways, yes. Did I fully understand what was happening? Absolutely not. We often enter these relationships innocently, entangled in the fantasy of finding our soulmate. He brought excitement and stirred up a sense of passion, but it was all a game to him.
The relationship began with classic love-bombing; he showered me with affection and attention, constantly communicating through texts, calls, and social media. However, I soon noticed he spent an excessive amount of time in the bathroom, which I naively attributed to digestive issues. When I asked if he was chatting online, he defensively denied it. He also had an unusual habit of showering multiple times a day. Was he washing off other women’s scents, or was he cleaning himself before his next rendezvous?
His attempts at intimacy were frequent early on—motivated by the oxytocin he wanted me to release, which served to deepen my attachment. And it worked! But then, he began to withdraw emotionally. I remember a fight where I pointed out that he didn’t want to stay because he couldn’t control me. If only I had heeded my own words! Instead, he started ignoring me, and any emotional conversations were met with accusations of being “crazy” or “overly emotional.” He even called me “crazy” in front of our children, labeling me as too emotional while he physically threatened me during arguments.
It was incredibly damaging to hear him praise the women at his workplace, especially when he would buy them gifts while treating me with indifference. I was left feeling confused and devalued after he would criticize me for seemingly trivial reasons. Moments of embarrassment, like when I attempted to help our children in a restaurant, were met with hostility, leaving me feeling defeated and humiliated.
For eight months after our breakup, he found ways to infiltrate my life, often using his daughter as a means to maintain a connection. It was a time filled with confusion and emotional turmoil.
To be continued…
For more insights into recognizing the traits of sociopaths and narcissists, check out this resource and this article for further understanding of these complex relationships. For an authoritative perspective on intimidation, visit Out of the Fog.