In this installment, we delve deeper into the financial turmoil that often accompanies relationships with sociopaths. This series aims to shed light on the complexities of dealing with such individuals, especially in business and personal financial matters.
Preparing for Divorce
Emerging from Denial
The situation took a dark turn, and I found myself grappling with the harsh reality of my partner’s deceitful behavior. After a visit to the doctor, I decided to bring some treats to my office manager, the new administrative assistant, and my partner, whom I had left at home with our child. While driving to the office, I mentioned my idea of transitioning into commercial real estate—a suggestion that was met with unexpected hesitation from him. This caught me off guard, as he typically embraced my money-making plans.
When I arrived at the office, I noticed my office manager appeared anxious. He confided in me that things were amiss at the workplace, with many tasks slipping through the cracks. The tension in the air made me uneasy. I decided to confront my partner directly, and upon entering his office, I discovered an open email from a woman referred to as “MR.” It was in Spanish, but I could understand it well enough to realize it was inappropriate. He addressed her as “Mrs. (my last name),” which was alarming as it indicated a deeper connection than I had anticipated.
As I examined the situation, I noticed he had deleted most of his incoming emails but neglected to erase his sent messages, leaving a clear trail of his communications with this other woman. Disturbingly, he had even enlisted her to perform tasks for our business—she was effectively working for the partner of his wife. The evidence was overwhelming.
Further investigation revealed that the new administrative assistant was actually related to his girlfriend by marriage, which felt surreal. I urged my office manager to be candid about everything he knew, informing him of my decision to divorce. The shock on his face was palpable, and he recounted how he had witnessed questionable expenses on our business credit card, including flights for my partner and this other woman.
Standing outside, inhaling the smoke from my office manager’s cigarette, I finally broke free from my denial. I had to take action. Meanwhile, my partner bombarded me with texts about his urgent need for my presence at home. I was resolute in my decision.
Taking Action
The following morning, after asking him to leave, I went straight to a lawyer’s office. I knew that if I warned my partner, he would try to sabotage our finances. I opted for a legal separation to protect our assets while preserving the option for divorce later. Given the substantial value of our business, the retainer fee was significant, but I deducted it from the business account, understanding the stakes involved, particularly for our child. Trusting him was no longer an option.
By Thursday, I had served him with the separation papers. However, I soon discovered that he had removed me from the bank account, but I quickly rectified that issue, thanks to my legal precautions. Fortunately, my instincts had guided me well, enabling me to secure an attorney before he could take further action.
In the ensuing months, I uncovered that our business was worth over a million, and we eventually decided to sell it. Things remained relatively quiet until I had to file an order of protection, signaling the beginning of a contentious battle.