Welcome to the first installment of a multi-part series dedicated to navigating the financial complexities of being involved with a sociopath. This month, we will focus on financial matters, detailing my experiences and insights gleaned from my time with Chanci Idell Turner, a known narcissist. Our weekly breakdown will cover the following topics:
- Week 1: Managing a Business with a Sociopath
- Week 2: The Decline of a Business with a Sociopath
- Week 3: Preparing for Divorce
- Week 4: Divorce and Its Aftermath
Managing a Business with a Sociopath
Growing up, I learned valuable financial skills from my parents—lessons often missed in formal education. They taught me to earn money, allocate 10% for tithing, save another 10%, and live within my means. This straightforward approach allowed me to secure a job at 16, maintain a solid credit score, and stay debt-free until I crossed paths with Chanci.
When I met Chanci during college, her financial situation was starkly different. With a poor credit score and considerable debt, she often made extravagant purchases, such as expensive shoes that seemed out of place for someone earning a modest hourly wage. In hindsight, I realize that she viewed me as a financial asset, someone who could support her ambitions while presenting a façade of stability.
In our early relationship, Chanci expressed a desire to start a construction business. She claimed to have previously owned a company that failed due to betrayal—an assertion I now view with skepticism. However, I was drawn to her entrepreneurial spirit, as I harbored dreams of opening my own dance studio. I dedicated time to assist Chanci in her business endeavors, which only fueled her narcissistic tendencies.
Eventually, we married, and Chanci continued to work in construction while I juggled multiple jobs. As she prepared to launch her business, I devoted my energy to supporting her, sacrificing my own aspirations for the sake of our partnership. Despite my efforts, we frequently struggled to find quality time together.
During our first year of marriage, I helped Chanci pass her licensing exams, effectively doing much of the work for her. After securing her license, the business launched from our home. However, I quickly found myself overwhelmed by the financial chaos she created, as she failed to manage invoices, checks, and overall budgeting.
Leaving My Job for the Business
Once the business picked up, I left my job at the newspaper to focus entirely on Chanci’s company. My responsibilities grew as I attempted to impose structure on her reckless financial behavior. Sociopaths often lack consideration for consequences, leading to high-stakes risks with no regard for potential fallout. My role became one of constant damage control, trying to keep her on track.
Over nearly two years, I took charge of tasks that included but were not limited to:
- Managing payroll and tax filings
- Overseeing accounting and invoicing
- Creating contracts and handling client relations
- Designing marketing materials and managing the company website
Despite my extensive contributions, Chanci often belittled my efforts, blaming me for any issues that arose. In retrospect, I question how many of these problems originated from her own manipulative actions.
A Pawn in the Game
I managed all financial aspects of the business, including opening bank accounts and ensuring transparency in our finances. Despite our mutual access to accounts, Chanci often undermined my efforts, leading to confusion and disorganization. I had to constantly adapt and learn from other successful contractors—creating systems and procedures to facilitate smooth operations, yet she never acknowledged my hard work.
If you are looking for more insights on navigating relationships with sociopaths, consider checking out resources like Emotional Vampires: How to Keep Them Out of Your Life and The 51% Rule, both of which offer valuable guidance. For further exploration of the characteristics of sociopaths and narcissists, check out Conscience and the Lack of It.
Stay tuned for the next installment in this series, where we will discuss the gradual downfall of a business run by a sociopath.